Hate To Break It To You, But It’s Your Own Fault You Aren’t Over Him

A girl who isn't over a guy
Unsplash / Brian Liu

It’s been months — maybe even years — and you still think about them every now and then. You still wonder what would happen if they entered your world again. You still aren’t over them, even though you hate their guts.

And that is the problem. You are removing your focus from yourself and placing it on them.

You keep thinking about the times when they lied to you. The times when they cheated on you. The times when they broke promises and canceled plans and disappointed you for the hundredth time in a row.

You are pissed at them for hurting you when you did everything for them. And you are pissed at them for never giving you closure

But you can’t keep thinking about the ways they screwed up and ignoring the things you did wrong.

No, it’s not your fault they failed to see your worth. It’s not your fault they didn’t love you back. It’s not your fault you weren’t enough for them.

However, you should take a look at your own behavior. Stop being mad at them for making you send the first text every single time, and realize that you could have stopped texting them at any point. Stop being mad at them for failing to appreciate your kindness, and realize that you could have stopped playing nice at any time.

Stop being mad that they wasted so much of your time and realize you could have left at any time. 

If you want to avoid getting hurt again in the future, closing your heart off isn’t the answer. The answer is to learn from your mistakes.

Don’t give someone all of your effort if they aren’t going to return the favor. Don’t accept their apologies if they are going to go right back to doing the same thing. Don’t let love blind you.

If you want to move on, then you have to stop thinking about all of the ways the other person hurt you and start thinking about all the ways you sat back and watched it happen.

You can’t control how another person treats you, but you have total control over how you handle the situation. You can’t control their actions, but you can control your reaction.

So the next time someone treats you poorly, stop thinking you can fix them, stop assuming that your love for them will magically transform them. That isn’t going to happen.

If they keep making false promises, don’t believe a word that comes out of their mouth. If they keep canceling at the last second, don’t make even more plans with them. If they keep using you for sex, don’t get into bed with them again.

If they don’t appreciate everything you do for them, find someone else who will. 

You won’t get over them fully until you accept they are not worthy of your love. They are not worthy of your time and your anger. They are not worthy of having a place inside of your heart or inside of your head. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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