I feel like a shitty girlfriend, because I like my space. I take a while to answer texts, because I’m not glued to my phone. I’m not available to hang out every single day, because I have a busy schedule. I have one-on-one plans with my friends. I have things to take care of at work. I have more things to worry about than when I’m going to see my boyfriend next.
I feel like a shitty girlfriend, because I don’t want anyone else to take care of me. I would rather buy my own meals than hope that a boy will reach for the check. I would rather drive myself than wait for a boy to come pick me up at home. I have been let down so many times that the only person I ever truly rely on is the girl in the mirror.
I feel like a shitty girlfriend, because I like to take control of every situation. I’m used to being on my own, so I like having things my way. I like making my own decisions. And that makes me stubborn. Uncompromising.
I feel like a shitty girlfriend, because I don’t care what other people think of me. I wear what I like to wear and do what I want to do, regardless of how I’m seen. I rarely take other people’s feelings into consideration, because I’ve trained myself not to pay attention to them.
I feel like a shitty girlfriend, because it takes me a while to open up to new people. I always think that they have some ulterior motive, that they are going to hurt me in the end. I hesitate to let people into my heart, because getting it broken would be an inconvenience.
I feel like a shitty girlfriend, because ever since I was a little girl, I promised myself that I would never rely on a man. The last thing I want to do is become the kind of person who values love above all else. The kind of person who only cares about their relationship and neglects every other aspect of their life.
I feel like a shitty girlfriend, because I’ve been chasing after the wrong kind of boys. The kind who get annoyed by the fact that sometimes I’m too busy to hang out and that sometimes I’m not in the mood to make out. The kind who think I should be willing to drop everything I care about to sit around and watch Netflix with them.
But I need someone different.
I need someone who embraces my independence. Someone who is proud that I have a life of my own, dreams of my own, success of my own.
I need someone who understands that I can’t be hanging off of them every second of every day. Someone who gets that I need space. That I need to live my own life and not just a branch of theirs.
I need someone who adores how badass I am instead of trying to turn me into someone I’m not.