The 4 Crazy Mofos You Meet In Grad School

Shutterstock / file404
Shutterstock / file404

1. The person who thinks every idea they come up with is the most innovative, god given idea.

They put themselves on a mental podium and proceed to spend the next 10 minutes explaining why it’s so amazing. More like amazingly dull.

My two cents: First, not every idea you come up with will shake people to their cores. Second, be kind to our ears and our patience. Refrain with every cell in your body from boring people with a 10-minute lecture because when people show they dislike your idea right off the bat, it is not an invitation to talk for 10 more minutes about it. What it is, is an invitation to revisit your idea and change it up a little.

2. The person who thinks they’re getting bad grades because some faculty member has a vendetta against them.

Oh they’re smart, don’t get them wrong! Someone is just randomly out to get them.

My two cents: You were wrong the moment you thought someone cared enough about you to give you a bad grade just because. I suggest you focus your time and energy on more substantial things. Like, I don’t know, on not being an arrogant, whining son of a bitch and in actually working to get a good grade?

3. The person who doesn’t understand why no one likes working with him or her and gets angry because of it.

They get irritated when you reject them and can’t get the hint, so they go on asking you 2, 3 or even 4 more times. These days, it’s not enough to hit someone with a ‘no’ once, it’s like they reaally want to make sure just how badly no one wants to work with them. They’ve got thick skin; I’ll give them that.

My two cents: Three words – take a hint. And here are two more just because I’m feeling extra generous: fuck off.

4. The person who puts you down to make him or her feel better.

They will say you work too hard, that you need to get out more, that you’re too this and too that. They will criticize all of your life choices because it makes them feel better about theirs. They will not hesitate to embarrass you in front of other people because they think that’s the only way to hide their glaring ineptitudes.

My two cents: Get a grip and stop stepping on other people just so you can deny the fact that you are a pain in the ass with zero self awareness. It’s obvious that you have to put others down to compensate for the fact that you have the ego of Narcissus but none of the goods to back it up. I suggest you start doing something of value with your life because remember, Narcissus either ends up starving or stabbing himself to death. An ego like that is not going to get you anywhere in life.

These people must have had one hell of an admissions essay because that is the only way I can comprehend their existence in a graduate program. Regardless, how these people got this far in life remains beyond me. I am currently completing my MBA now but I know you will be able to find these people in every program out there. People get MBAs because it’s meant to instill in them the business skills and know-how needed to succeed given the competition today, as well as expose you to a vast network to kick-start your career.

While these reasons are all well and great, if you ask me what a back breaking tuition has bought me, I’d say it’s a poker face followed by an immaculate ability to articulate frustration. Is it worth it? I don’t know. I’ll let you know after I‘m done mentally strangling person number 4. TC mark

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