What Your Favorite Disney Movie Says About You, Part II

In case you missed it, we previously addressed all the movies that may have changed your eternally youthful little life — from Song of the South to Ratatouille — over in Part I. Give it a look, and then come back for more, “Oh, I totally forgot about that movie, you guys…”

Robin Hood: Somehow, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were for a little more wealth distribution. You probably voted for Obama, you might really identify with Occupy Wall Street, and you get violently angry when you watch (or even think about) the film Inside Job. That, or you think dancing, British woodland creatures are so adorable it hurts.

Tarzan: Not only did Tarzan come at an incredibly important moment (where you were sure to get the N*SYNC version of Trashin’ the Camp as well as the movie one), Tarzan made you think about a lot of really tender family things. You may have seriously considered adoption, wondered why there are so many white guys with guns being total dicks in Disney movies, and appreciated how big Jane’s butt was. You probably identified with Jane quite a bit, let’s be honest, and now Phil Collins and jungle skateboarding hold an extremely special place in your heart. That jungle skateboarding, depicted as so deceptively effortless, left you with the thought, “Hey, that looks totally do-able! I should go into the woods behind my house and slide down some branches this afternoon! BYE MOM!”

Freaky Friday: Sometimes you think about how cute Lindsay Lohan was, how much was just going right for her, and how much potential lay ahead of her…and then you get really, really sad and have to sit down for a minute.

Beauty and the Beast: First and foremost, you love yourself some books. Some people have porn, you have that scene where Beast reveals to Belle the library that he is now giving over to her, as he knows it’s what she would love more than anything in the world. No human being will ever romantically live up to you in your life now, as no one will be able to present you with an 8,000 square-foot Baroque library in the middle of a French castle to use at your discretion. You also have a soft spot in your heart for provincial France, Stockholm Syndrome, teacups with tiny chips on their rim, and furniture that springs to live to give you fabulous dating advice. Essentially, when you dream and go to that happy place, you are Belle.

Newsies: From now, likely until the end of time, you will see Christian Bale in movies being so super serious and acting really, really hard and you’ll just be like “LOL come on put on your cap and sell some papers you silly billy.”

Homeward Bound: Though you fully accept that Milo and Otis will forever be the gold standard when it comes to the brief-but-culturally-important “Lost, Anthropomorphic, Ragtag Animals On A Crazy Journey Back To Their Suburban Owners” genre (and you had better), you still have a tender spot for Homeward Bound. You may have shed a tear or two over that golden retriever, and no one would ever judge you for it.

James and the Giant Peach: It’s safe to assume you love all things Roald Dahl, because let’s be honest, those that didn’t grow up reading that Svengali of Touching British Wisdom’s works just…doesn’t get it. And they’ll never get it. They can’t appreciate things as nuanced, as culturally important, or as delightfully whimiscal as the Peach. If this is your movie, you are way into reading, you knew how to pronounce “Roald” at 7, and nothing terrifies you more than the thought of cloud rhinos coming down and eating your family one idle Sunday afternoon.

Flubber: You don’t care what critics say, poorly CGI’d balls of green Jell-O and Robin Williams will always have a special place in your heart.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame: Umm, essentially you had balls of steel at 8 years old if this was your Disney film of choice. You’re like, “Whatever, I’m totally into physical deformities, racial profiling, genocide, religious corruption, repressed sexual desire, murder, blackmailing, and the general horror that was medieval France. I get it.” You straight up watched a super-religious Lord lock a family in a house and set it on fire–FIRE–in the interest of squishing their race out like ants, and you were like “This movie is for me.” Hats off to you, sir, because even as a 22-year-old woman, this movie makes me sad inside. I watch it, and I love it, but I have my super serious face on and spend most of the movie shaking my head.

Jungle 2 Jungle: You saw this movie and were like, “God has given me another Johnathan Taylor Thomas. God is good.”

The Princess Diaries: I assume it’s all of you people that really liked this mediocre-at-best film that’s keeping Anne Hathaway so steadily employed. Know that I’m putting the blame on your shoulders. And I know you’re like, “But she was phenomenal in Rachel Getting Married!” And I’m just like, “Feh. She’s no Streep.” And you’re like “But she has a really consistent body of work.” And I’m like, “She is okay. But let’s put down the Princess Diaries Crack Pipe and stop pretending she’s the next Helen Mirren.”

The Incredibles: You are very adept in recognizing this movie as the best Pixar movie, hands down. Get at me, Wall-E fans, get at me.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Let me guess, you like saying “Why is the rum gone?”, corsets, sword fights that last for about thirty years too long, and Johnny Depp swaying back and forth for an hour or so at a time. In all seriousness, though, the one thing that can be gathered about die-hard PotC fans is that they love–nay, they live for–quoting the hell out of this movie at any and all times (when it was not terribly funny to begin with).

George of the Jungle: You don’t take life too seriously, you don’t need Brendan Fraser to be this generation’s Marlon Brando to appreciate his appeal, and you love funny movies about bananas and a beautiful, beautiful, mostly naked man.

Up: That silent scene, that quiet little five minutes with the soft piano music behind it, changed you in a way you don’t know if you understand yet. You remember everyone–everyone–in the theater crying, holding hands, and being totally unashamed about it. Up made you feel something so real it’s almost uncomfortable, and showed children something many adults aren’t ready to acknowledge. You will remember Up for the rest of your life.

Aristocats: You’re a terrible, terrible human being. TC mark

Chelsea Fagan

Chelsea Fagan founded the blog The Financial Diet. She is on Twitter.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • Anonymous

    EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE A CAT

    • Nicole

      BECAUSE A CAT’S THE ONLY CAT, WHO KNOWS WHERE IT’S AT.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_CXCS7TXFL5TS2LGXRPMARVGOHY Viktor

      Shanghai, Hong Kong, Egg foo young, fortune cookie always wrong!

  • Anonymous

    You’ve made a powerful enemy in the Aristocats Listserv, Chelsea Fagan.

  • Mashka

    spot on with the Beauty and the Beast one

    also am I the only one that cried when the Beast turned into a human? …….. anyone? 

    • http://twitter.com/niceflying Emma

      Only because he was way cuter as a Beast.
      Wait, what?

  • WRUBsucks

    why is the great mouse detective not on either list?

    • Ratigan

      everyone seems to forget that it’s the best disney movie ever.

  • http://dirtyyoungmen.wordpress.com Maxwell Chance

    I named my first dog Shadow. Oh god, I’m going to cry right now.

  • http://www.facebook.com/antoniowatson Antonio Watson

    Freaky Friday: Sometimes you think about how cute Lindsay Lohan was, how much was just going right for her, and how much potential lay ahead of her…and then you get really, really sad and have to sit down for a minute.

    Truer words have not been spoken on this website.

  • Nicole

    Not gonna lie..  you nailed me with Beauty & The Beast.

  • es

    What Your Favourite Disney Movie Part III needs to by YOU, Chelsea Fagan, explaining WHY you would say something so inconceivably silly as : “Aristocats: You’re a terrible, terrible human being”

    • Rachel Butters Scotch

      Man… I love Aristocats. I don’t know why this makes me terrible. I need an explanation.

      • :(

        seriously :(

      • http://twitter.com/HelloItsHails Hailey Gould

        me too. what on earth is wrong with the aristocats?

      • http://twitter.com/nawasaka Becky To

        I GOTS TO KNOW.

  • Cheryl Keit Ang

    Beauty and the Beast. Spot on.

  • http://www.nosexcity.com NoSexCity

    I’m too old for most of this list to be relevant. Thankful as fuck for that.

  • Brd5012

    What the fuck, no lady and the tramp? No all dogs go to heaven?! I said god damn!

    • http://www.facebook.com/kismet137 Fanchon Chance

      All Dogs Go To Heaven isn’t a Disney movie, Don Bluth’s studio made it (and it was funded by a British company).

  • Nels0n924

    Lady and the tramp!

  • Sophia

    “…and now Phil Collins and jungle skateboarding hold an extremely special place in your heart.”
    pretty much. Tarzan <3 :)

  • https://twitter.com/iamthepuddles Jordana Bevan

    dude, george of the jungle. totally forgot about that. oh my god wait also Dudley Do-Right

  • Anonymous

    What about Tangled?

  • Hannah

    My favorite Disney movie has always been the Aristocats… why is that terrible???

  • http://www.sailorbaby.tumblr.com Emily

    There’s a youtube video of the clip of Shadow stuck in the mud, with “Dare You to Move” as the soundtrack. Sometimes I watch it when I need a good cry.

  • Jess

    FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHERE THE FUCK IS SNOW WHITE?

  • Dechonmustard

    The Incredible was fuckiing… incredible!

    Wall-E fans can suck it (even though I liked that one, too, just not as much)

  • NUJ

    Yes I will remember Up for the rest of my life and Incredibles and Beauty and the Beast are awesome. You missed out Finding Nemo though.

  • sarah

    THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS:
    You are a person trying to conceal deeply depressed feelings, who possibly had a traumatizing christmas experience as a kid, such as finding out santa isn’t real because you couldn’t comprehend how the fuck a fat man could get through your chimney, or waking up to find the Barbie you wanted had brown hair, not blonde, even though Barbie’s are SUPPOSED to have blonde hair. You also probably like to dress like your going to a funeral everyday, equipped with fingerless gloves and fishnets. You always say people don’t “understand me” and post pictures of thought provoking pictures on your blog, with captions like “Love is All You Need”, even though you secretly think sex is pretty necessary too.

    • Anonymous

      hahahhaha, sort of spot on with an ex friend of mine :P

    • HatersGonnaMakeSomeValidPoints

      …not Disney?

      • maoe

        It was originally distributed by Touchstone pictures because Disney thought it was too dark for children, but technically it is disney

    • Power2thepeas

      Love this movie…..but whenever I think of this movie, I think of Hot Topic….which automatically makes me think of the smell of plastic (or whatever you want to describe that unmistakable “Hot Topic smell”).

  • http://www.myheartandmyskull.tumblr.com Lauren

    THE FOX AND THE HOUND, duh.  

    Obviously this says I love friendship, animals, crying, and stories that are doomed from the start but oh-so-enjoyable while you’re wrapped up in them.  

    • Anonymous

      And you probably like dating bad boys that you think you can “fix”, when really, you can’t ever be together because he’s addicted to cocaine. He probably stole your wallet, too.

  • Brandon

    what about 101 Dalmations? 

  • http://twitter.com/mung_beans Mung Beans

    Which pets’ address is the finest in Paris?
    Which pets possess the longest pedigree?
    Which pets get to sleep on velvet mats?
    Naturellement! The Aristocats!

    • http://twitter.com/tashny Tashny Sukumaran

      youtubing at work nao, curse youuuuuuu

  • Anonymous

    OMG WE NEED A PART 3

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