In the Filipino language, there’s this word called pinaasa which refers to people who are made to believe that they actually have a chance to be with the one they like. In simple terms, these are people who are made to feel special even when they’re actually not, not in the way they expect themselves to be.
There’s also this word called paasa which contrasts the word pinaasa and refers to people who make other people believe they like them even if they don’t. Who makes others feel special even when they’re actually not, not in the way they are expected to, at least.
You could have been one of them or the both of them even. But this isn’t actually about the paasa people. It is about the pinaasa, the ones out there whose souls are continuously torn and shred to pieces. This is for the lost beings who have decided to give up on the idea of love. This is for those who have been blinded by hatred, deafened by lies, muted by rejection, and numbed by heartaches.
To hope is one thing, but to have that hope crushed is completely another thing.
We all have hoped. We all have held on to something dear. Something, or in this case, someone we are afraid to lose. And yet, how can you lose someone who wasn’t even yours to begin with? Yes, they may have made you feel like you were theirs, when it truth, you weren’t.
Have they ever told you that they were afraid to lose you?
Did they ever do something to keep you?
It’s not a matter of how much you love someone, but a matter of knowing how you should be loved in return. If you start to realize that to them what you thought was falling in love was actually fooling in love, then you have to erase the fantasies in your head and wake up to life’s harsh realities and bitter truths.
We all have our own 2 a.m. moments. Either we spend it crying our hearts out, drinking booze, rereading old conversations, or staring at the blank ceiling. We often find ourselves having a lot of unanswered questions in mind and it often brings us back to moments that we have long hidden but never forgotten. It is a time we are reminded of reality and its beautiful curse. And in these moments, thoughts pile up and we start to address our certain sentiments.
You would possibly start to believe that love is unattainable, one of life’s greatest impossibilities. Love becomes a cringe-worthy word. It is something written only in books and portrayed in movies. Love to you is somehow a twisted form of comedy. A sadistic feeling meant only to tear not only your heart but also your soul. That love sometimes devour your entire being because you just aren’t good enough for anyone or that nobody sees you are good enough for them.
I get it. We get it. To be bruised by haunting heartaches is not particularly a joyful memory to the point of being traumatizing, but we have to get over it like we have to get over that specific person.
And though the monstrous heartaches, rejections, lies, and demons of love still lurk and await us, we have to take that risk and shrug it off. It’s going to be a tough ride, I’ll give you that. You’d be in a series of unexpected carnival rides, but you will have to ride each one of them and just go with it. A point may come where you’ll be driven to insanity and then pulled back to placid numbness.
It’ll terrify you to death and scare your wits out, but move it. Ride that roller coaster. Plunge into deep waters. Terrify yourself. Find the unknown. Welcome what you least expect. Feel something different.
You have to deal with your own storms. You have your own calamity. Face it with your all.
The point is, you won’t be happy unless you want to be. You have to want it and not need it. Needing to be happy will get you nowhere. That’s like diving into shallow waters.
You can recall memories, but you can never recapture feelings and that’s what we’re here for.
We want to create memories, but more than that we want to produce feelings and emotions that lead to our own happiness.