You walked out of my life with my heart in the back of your pocket. I left it with you because I was hoping that one day you’d come back and hand it to me. I was hoping that your departure was just temporary and you’d make a return in my life.
But I was wrong.
Because I never heard anything from you for so long. And it hurt me that you never even bothered to ask if I was okay. You never even cared about how I was feeling after you suddenly pulled yourself out of my story.
Now that I’m starting to help myself heal, I’m fully accepting that we aren’t going to get a second chance anymore. I’m accepting the fact that you’ve already moved on, while I’m sitting here still thinking about you, still yearning for the love that I no longer can’t have.
Getting over you is not going to be easy but I will keep trying.
I will keep pushing myself to get out of my bed and live life as if my heart isn’t hurting. I will keep my smile visible in my face even though I’m falling apart on the inside. I will keep telling people that I’m okay and hide what I’m really feeling.
Because no one’s going to understand why it’s hard for me to let you go. No one’s going to know that it is only you whom I truly loved. It is only with you that I felt safe and secured.
Losing you is like forgetting what happiness feels like. Many days I question if I will ever feel more than just okay. And it terrifies me that I can’t make myself utter the word ‘yes.’ I’m scared that I’m never going to allow myself to fall in love again.
Because losing you brings trauma in my mind. I can’t welcome people in my life without assuming that eventually they’re going to leave. I cringe every time I hear the word forever. And I find it hard to believe people when they tell me that they love me.
I’m learning that people change all the time and I can’t hold them responsible for the words that they’re promising to me. I can’t ask them to stay when they’re dying to leave. I can’t force them to always choose me when their hearts already belong to someone else.
I don’t know when I’m going to be ready to let myself fall in love again, but I know that one day someone will come along and encourage me to take a risk once more. But as for now, I need to find myself in the process of healing my broken heart. I need to be on my own and figure what I really want in my life.
Losing you shouldn’t be the end of my world.
I still have so many moments to experience, to see, to feel, to embrace and never let go. I still have people to fall in love, to share my soul with, to inspire, to cherish and treasure. There are so many things that the universe wants to offer to me, and I don’t want to miss those opportunities.
Losing you is just a beginning for me to create a life without any trace of your influence. And losing you is a great excuse for me to open a new chapter of my story.