I guess it’s funnier from where you’re standing. The girl who you used to say seemed so strong, the girl who you claimed could pick herself up from anything and move on — she’s the one falling apart now.
She was vulnerable, but her strength came from her unfailing ability to make the best out of the worst of situations. And my god, did she do that well.
You’d never guess that she was broken – not if you saw that smile, or heard that laugh, or looked into those bright blue eyes that never lost their sparkle, no matter how much she was drowning in darkness.
She gave you that strength. Maybe that’s what drew you to her, or at least that’s what she would like to think. That is was more than pure lust, more than an attempt to get the girl that no one could have.
She was different, a fish out of the water. She was mysterious, and if The Little Mermaid taught us anything it’s that we want what we can’t have.
You took that to new levels. You wanted her, so badly. Until you got her. And then, the excitement faded, the chase was over, and it was time to move onto your next victim, time to go and break someone else’s heart.
It was a game to you, a challenge. And she was the prize. She was an accomplishment for you to boast about, nothing more and nothing less.
But to her, it was so much more. Maybe she falls too quickly or loves too deeply. Or maybe, she never learned how dangerous it can be to have a heart of gold in a world full of thieves. To be so open and honest in a world full of liars. To be so innocent in a world full of danger.
And yet, she was. She gave you everything she could give. She gave you her money and you stole it. She gave you her kindness and you abused it. She gave you her body and you used it.
She gave you her commitment and you threw it away. She gave you her heart and you broke it. She had grown up giving, and all you knew how to do was take.
Why her? Did she make you feel wanted? Did she genuinely mean something to you? Was she good for your self-esteem? Was it the idea of her that attracted you, or was it actually the girl in front of you?
Did you feel anything at all? When you texted her and she answered? The first time her lips met yours? When you exchanged longing glances at work, when you teased her and got the reaction you wanted, when you followed her into the kitchen to try and kiss her?
Did you feel anything when she let you into her bed? When you bought her flowers and called her your Valentine? When you saw her in that dress?
Did you feel anything when you looked her in the eyes when a love song came on? Did you feel anything when you saw her cry and offered her your shoulder? When she was there for you when nobody else was? When she listened, when she cared?
Did you feel anything at all when you told her it was over on the phone? When you heard her voice break? When you heard what she did to herself that night?
Or did it all go over your head? Did you feel anything when the very next day, after swearing you needed to be alone, you started chasing another girl?
Do you feel anything now? Do you ever wonder what happened to the girl you pulled apart? Do you ever wonder how she’s doing now?
Well, you broke her. And admitting that to herself was the hardest thing she ever had to do.
She was born to be a fighter and you took away her defense. She was born to try and you took away her motivation. She was kissed by fire and you took away her flame.
She felt worthless. She blamed herself. She wasn’t good enough, she was too pushy, she was too difficult, she wasn’t pretty enough.
Never did it cross her mind that it could be you. That it could be your fault.
Because even when you let her go, she was there for you. She wanted the best for you, even if it meant the worst for her. She believed you when she said you needed space.
She was even happy, that you had figured yourself out and that you were fighting again. Even then, in the depths of your betrayal, she cared.
And now? She’s scared to trust. She’s turning down chances at romance. She’s waking up every morning with an empty feeling in her chest. She’s continuously trying to pick herself up from down days, to block out the voices that returned so swiftly after what you’d done.
She dreams about you sometimes — she wakes up in a cold sweat remembering you, remembering what you did. Remembering all she has lost.
But here’s the good part. She’s still stronger than you. Despite your best efforts, she’s picking herself up off the ground. She’s surrounding herself with people who want nothing more than to see her smile again. She’s chasing her dreams with that “go get it attitude” you professed to love.
She’s focusing on herself. She’s going out, she’s making the most of life. She’s falling in love again — with herself. She’s learning, slowly but surely, that she is worth it. That she has something, no matter how small, to offer the world.
She’s singing in the shower again. She’s dancing around the room. She’s smiling at the sunshine. She’s being spontaneous. She’s laughing.
She’s leaving the house again. She’s looking after herself. She’s healing. And she still has that heart of gold.
She’s won. What about you?