Depression is like a monster who attacks you quietly. You will start with struggling from the simplest, normal things that you used to usually just ignore before. It is like a simple rain from the sky and you tell yourself that it will pass and it is just one of those bad days.
However, it is not. You end up being stuck in this deep tunnel that you can never escape. It is like wearing a daily social mask for you to be able to face other people, because it is what we have to do, it is what everyone has to do.
The difficult thing about it is that the problem does not go away, every day you struggle on how to start and end this day, and that is how you fall deeper on that deep tunnel full of dark emotions. This is when you start to isolate yourself. You slowly start to keep yourself away from friends and family, you will start to forget the feeling of satisfaction, things that brought joy to you before are now worthless. Starting a new day and just by thinking of starting simple tasks become painful, it is like you never knew about the meaning of motivation, and you start asking yourself if why would you keep on trying when everything around you no longer make sense at all.
All of these makes you feel even worst and you get caught up in this spinning circle. You will feel like you are living in slow motion. As each day comes, this great fear in you slowly builds up, filling your mind and it is like capturing your whole being. You will feel that you will never be happy, you will continue to back away and continue to destroy all your relationships to the most important people in your life.
You will start to be ashamed of all the things that you have done, including those things that you haven’t. It is like there is this creepy voice inside you that is telling you that this is the worst thing that you have become.
There is this part of you that is trying its best to make things right, and sometimes you feel this urge of meeting other people, going out to just enjoy the night, but suddenly there is this huge stop sign that pops out of your mind and stops you from doing better things. It will make you realize that those things won’t work anyway.
So, in the end you choose to stay alone in your so-called comfort zone, where no one questions you for all your actions and decisions. Thinking about how worthless you have become makes the intense pain within you unbearable. You will finally come up with this realization that you cannot continue another day this way.
Now you are only left with two choices. First, it is when you finally decide to get help and have all the support and love you need in going through this journey. Second, you go the easy route, the route where everything will end in just a snap, it is by ending your daily suffering by ending our own precious life.