She has always been one who faced everything head on. She could ride the most dangerous rollercoaster and scream “Let’s do that again!” by the end of it. She could walk at the darkest alley and come out, smiling with her face filled with endless rays. She could present a proposal to a panel of judges as if it were her audience excited for her swan song. She could travel to a place she’s never been to yet be certain she’ll fall in love with it.
She is that girl. The girl who is all in or not all.
There are never uncertainties with her, no gray areas, no in-betweens. This is life as she knows it – at least the life she’s lived before you came.
You see – she had so much hope for life yet so little faith in people. She has learned that people come and go. She realized that when things get hard, people leave and when they do, you always lose a part of yourself to them. She has been left countless times by the people who promised they won’t. So she’s scared to fall for you.
You would think she’d get used to the rejection by now, but no, it doesn’t get easier. It has made her cautious. It has made her trust people a little less every time. That’s what heartbreak has done to her – left her afraid to give her heart away again.
But you, you awakened the fears she thought she overcame. You’re the blur that made her lose her focus. You’re the bend in the road she has not mapped. You’re the heartbreak she stubbornly refuse to go through again.
And right now, she can’t give her heart to you. Not now, at least.
You came at a time when she finally decided to love herself first. At a time when she wanted to give her heart a break. At a time when she realized that making herself a priority is not selfish. It is necessary.
She dreams that someday, she will be free from the fears that had crippled her. That she will be unafraid of giving her all again. That she will accept all the apologies she never got. That she will forgive herself for being so harsh.
That she will believe that she is enough.
And when she finally wakes up to the possibility of making that dream a reality, please be that first face she sees. That first smile she watches. The first kiss she tastes. The first touch she feels.
Be that person she falls in love with.