It gets harder to write about you. It was so easy when you could differentiate reality and fiction, but right now, I’m living them both, and in a way, I am just waiting for the moment to wake up from this inexplicably beautiful dream – even though I wish I never would.
See, that is how I would describe you – a beautiful dream. I remembered how I first met you. How I told myself never to fall for you because you’re exactly the kind of guy I should not fall for – too charming for words, your smile disarming. But the moment those words left your mouth, I was doomed. I took that eight hours train back and forth trying to run away from my own feelings only to realise that the first fresh tear that fell down my cheeks inside the train was because of you. That was how I knew I had loved you. Not the falling hard kind, but enough to see you for who you truly are.
You are the one for me, but I was never one for you. You are frighteningly inconsistent that instead of living by the day, I always try to hang onto seconds with you. I love your flaws and hate them at the same time. Love them because it is a part of you and hate them because I’m always riding a roller coaster with my eyes closed and hands tied.
I don’t have a problem with loving others – but you clearly do. But still, I really appreciate the texts and midnight calls of chatting to each other for hours just because we feel like it. I was happy. I am happy. I’m happy that you try your best to understand me, as I to you. You might have been ashamed of me, because I’m not your dream girl – not confident, hot-headed and sensually mysterious, but still. I fucking love you. You have no idea how much I do.
I am not fond of making promises because circumstances change. Because people change, time pass by and the more you hope, the more broken you will be. But with you, it’s different. I make promises I swear to keep. I want to help you. Admittedly you are not the center of my universe, but you are part of me I would hate to say goodbye to. Yes, I fear of losing you. In three months, you’ve changed the twenty-one years personality no one has ever been able to.
I always believe you’re going to fly one day. You just need a pair of wings. When you’re setting off to the endless horizon, you’ll probably never look back but I hope you’ll miss me still. I hope that at the end of the day, you have at least a certain amount of real affection for me, and that you’ll miss someone who has continuously supported you through. I hope you do because I know I will.
I’m the girl who loves you. My heart for you is true. I never expect myself to fall for someone completely unexpected, but I did. You’re there. When things get hard, remember to tell yourself that there is a girl who really believes you can do everything that you want – no matter how impossible it sounds. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise, because you can, and you will, and I support you through and through.
A part of me will always be there for you, time and distance won’t matter.
With all of my heart and half of my soul,
I love you.