Very often, people around us might find it hard to understand why getting married to the love of your life is making you anxious. The questions thrown at you can force an already unsettled mind to become even more doubtful. But don’t worry, your internal battles don’t need to be understood by anyone around you.
It is, however, important to get your partner on board with your engagement/marriage anxiety so that they can make you feel safe.
Marriage is obviously a big step in life. Anxious minds don’t like too much change. Think about it (as if you’re already not, my bad), you’re moving places. Maybe you’re even moving to a different country. Those are some big moves. However, the most common factor in all of these situations is that you’re starting a new journey with your partner and you’re afraid of screwing it up. The worst thing that anxiety does to you in this situation is that you start questioning your decision. Such as, was it wise for me to say yes to my partner? Should I have gone for someone more financially secure? Do I love him, or do I just like him? And the list of doubts goes on.
Repeat after me: Your anxiety sees marriage as a major life-threatening change to your comfort-zone and signals it as a red flag to protect you. You’ll become super doubtful about your life choices, but your anxiety is constantly lying to you and everything will be okay.
Now, this wouldn’t apply to situations where the relationship with your partner has been super toxic. This will apply when you and your partner voluntarily decide to get married, but then anxiety will come and knock on your door and be like, “But what about this, that, and this other thing?” This is where we have to draw the line between a gut feeling and an anxious mind. Mixing up the two can lead to some very wrong decisions. Talk to your partner about your anxieties. Positive affirmations will always help in these cases. It is also important to keep your independence intact at all times.
Remember, marriage is a union of two independent individuals. You are your own person and you have to keep your shit together.
Marriage will not, and should not, take away your independence and freedom from you. Your social circle and your work life and your alone time is yours. The only thing that will change is that you’ll have someone with whom you”ll share all the beautiful moments of life. You’ll have someone’s shoulder to cry on when it gets tough. You’ll have someone to motivate you to achieve your goals. You’re losing nothing, but gaining an important support system for this roller coaster of a life that you’re living. It doesn’t matter if you’re living in a small house or that you’re not living the luxurious lifestyle that we see on instagram, because these things don’t matter.
What matters is how you two bounce off each other in sickness and in health.
Hang in there, because you have beautiful moments coming your way!