I haven’t heard from you in months, and I have no idea why. there is so much I would like to say to you, but I’m not sure I will ever get the chance. So maybe this letter will get to you some way. But if it doesn’t, at least I’ve been able to get some of these emotions off my chest.
I want to let you know I’m ok without you. I don’t necessarily need you in my life, but I enjoyed having you there while you were. Even though we don’t talk anymore, know that I’m not mad; I don’t hold anything against you. As we get older we change, we grow, we figure out where we are meant to be in life. You found your path, and I found mine. I was hoping they would at least run alongside each other, but I’m afraid they don’t. Maybe someday they will cross again, when wounds heal.
You were important to me because you were there when I moved here. You were one of my first friends. When I knew no one else at school, and had no one to sit next to on the bus. We spent almost everyday together. You drove my sister and me to school before I had my car, you made me laugh and feel better when my high school boyfriend was being a jerk. We tried every summer to eat the whole box of Otter Pops, off-roaded in your old beat up truck. You spent the holidays with us; you like to eat mustard on your turkey and you always loved the stupid stocking stuffers my mom would get for you. You would hang out with my parents without me even being there. I remember getting ready for graduation and prom together. You were there for everything.
My family misses you; honestly I’m not sure who is more hurt, myself or them. You were one of us. I considered you my brother, my mom saw you as her son. I can see the hurt in her eyes when she talks about old memories. She misses you. Her voice cracks and her eyes tear up when your name is mentioned. I avoid talking about you because it’s still hard picturing my life without you in it. Not just because we haven’t talked, we’ve gone periods of time where life has got in the way and we haven’t spoke, but this is different. Because I don’t know when we will speak again, and that breaks my heart.
I texted you the other day, and didn’t receive a response. This has happened a few times now. I wasn’t surprised, honestly. I knew I was setting myself up for disappointment. I think the hardest part is when people ask me about you, and how you are, and I’m unable to give them an answer. I have to lie with a generic response. “Oh, he’s doing well. We’ve just been busy and haven’t hung out much.”
The hardest part of this is that we are growing up, and we are going to miss so much of each other’s lives. Will you be there when I get married someday? Will your children know who I am? Will we ever be able to go back to the friendship we once had? They say that you lose a lot of friends in your 20s. Life gets in the way, and people start becoming who they were really meant to be. I hope it’s not too late for our friendship.
The sad truth is that this is your fault. I wish I didn’t have to blame you, but you made your choices and couldn’t live with the outcomes. Instead of being a man and making things right, you were a coward and took the easy route. I hope you are learning from your mistakes. I hope you don’t let this happen to all your friendships.
I’m not sure if you care about what’s going on in my life, or if it ever crosses your mind, but everything is good on my end. I’m traveling, and in a relationship that I feel complete in. I wish you could know my boyfriend, I think you two would like each other. I graduated from college and my graduation party was a blast. You were invited but couldn’t make it. My family is good as well. My sister is going back to school next semester and my parents are working on their businesses and enjoying their life. We have a family trip to Disneyland coming up soon, and even though it isn’t DisneyWorld, like we once talked about, I think you would have had fun with us.
Overall, I hope you are happy. I hope your life is all that you want it to be and that you don’t have any regrets. I would like to say that if you tried to contact me I would blow you off, but I could never do that. You will always be my best friend, whether that is reciprocated or not. You deserve to have everything, and despite how things are with us, I know you are a wonderful person, and I will never talk badly of you. You are a one of a kind soul, and I’m forever thankful that I was able to get the times with you that I did. They are forever cherished.