11 Gut-Wrenching Myths About Dating After College

So, you’ve survived college and are out on your own to wander aimlessly through the first several years of adulthood. Good for you. You’ve probably dumped your college sweetheart because without college housing and campus confinement, dating them was no longer convenient. Now you’re ready to date in the real world, without relying on the shared interests your academic curriculum supplied you with. You’re ready to stay out all night and bed strangers. You’re ready to pop bottles and..uhm…more bottles.

Unfortunately, life has lied to you. Read on for 11 myths you were fed about dating after college – and the reality of the situation:

1. You will meet interesting, attractive people at mind-opening cultural events.

You will go to the same bars and meet the same people over and over.

2. You will take your dates to trendy restaurants and foot the bill.

The only bills you foot are for Sallie Mae.

3. Between dates, you will have thought-provoking conversations via G Chat and text.

Emojis were invented for a reason. <3 😉 :*

4. Your bedroom will provide an atmosphere of mystery and sex appeal.

Bed frames are expensive and a mattress on the floor does the same thing, right?

5. Your love interest will make plans with you in advance.

Your love interest will text “where you at?” from the bar.

6. Online dating is for desperate losers.

Online dating is for anyone who doesn’t want to sleep with their coworkers.

7. Your single friends are witty and charming. At the bar, they will play your wingmen.

Your single friends are in various stages of quarter-life crisis. At the bar, they will drink too many pickle-backs and vomit on your shoes.

8. Your shacked-up friends will invite you to dinner parties and introduce you to their single friends.

Your shacked-up friends are speaking in first-person plural and spending weekends at Ikea.

9. You will be a siren. You will eat hearts for breakfast. No one can tame you.

Your new entry-level position provides you with 8 uninterrupted hours per day to angst over your lack of incoming text messages.

10. You will meet someone new every weekend.

You will recycle your exes until one of you inevitably meets someone new and forces the other to drown in a sea of rejection.

11. You will date older, refined, more experienced individuals.

Refined people don’t want to have sex on a bare mattress anymore.