Zoe Eisenberg

So your girlfriend/boyfriend/bed buddy has suddenly announced the unthinkable: they’re going vegan.

So you think you’re ready to shack up?

But what stings more is receiving an absurd, wimpy excuse with a subtext that clearly reads “Thanks but no thanks, I just don’t like you, and I’m a great big wimp who is afraid to verbalize my real feelings.”

2. Most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone (and the rest are liars).

Your new entry-level position provides you with 8 uninterrupted hours per day to angst over your lack of incoming text messages.