This Is The Heartbreaking Reality Behind What Happens When You Settle For Comfort Over Love

Micah Camara
Micah Camara

Don’t settle down if you just love, but are not in love, with the person.

In the beginning you will be content. If you’re a hot headed person like me, you will be content that you finally found someone who could tolerate all your drama and tantrums and not be at their wit’s end.

You will be happy to bumble along, even though you have nothing in common with him. And I mean that you two are fundamentally not interested in the same thing. The fact that you actually prefer hanging out with friends whom you can talk silly things and have lengthy serious conversation with still won’t bother you. Because you love him and he loves you, and that’s all it matters right?

Doesn’t matter that you both could not find ways to bring excitement into your relationship. Was it because he’s just happy to go along with what you have, therefore you two usually just end up doing mundane things together because it’s “what couples do”? Doesn’t matter because he loves you for who you are, right?

And in all honesty you love him too. Sure, he doesn’t make your heart flutter like a certain ex did, but it’s okay because you figured you all are grown up and past that point of “teenaged puppy love” and all you need is someone who loves you whole heartedly, even if you find yourself questioning what you want sometimes.

He’s the complete opposite of you. You feel that he compliments your character perfectly. Where else would you find a boyfriend that’s able to tolerate you spending half your time not with him, but with your friends? Where else would you find a boyfriend that would wait up for you and treats you like a princess? Where else would you find someone so impossibly gentle with you that you can never do wrong in his eyes?

But was it enough?

You realized that you don’t text him half as much as you texted other people; there was just nothing much to say. “Dear”, “I love you”, “kiss” and “See you soon darling” seem to be the only things you say to each other over text.

Being exact opposites started to show; you’re so full of life and drive that you want to do everything and be good in it. He supports you silently, though occasionally you catch a glimpse of something else in his tone, was it jealousy or envy? Of what? Is he really envious that you had the passion to pursue what you wanted relentlessly, while he was left behind slowly?

You thought that you could spend the rest of your life with him because you’re just so content with him. Until you realized one day, that you’ve been walking on the path alone; he has been left behind long ago, back when you first dated him. You’ve been growing, not with him, but with your friends and family and people who were not content without helping you grow.

You’ve become a much more mature person, but he has been left behind.

Sweet, gentle him who has never wanted anything more than your love, has never been on the same path with you, sharing your life with you.

You comfort yourself by saying that it’s okay, that you’ll never be able to find someone who could tolerate you as much as he does. But you find yourself wishing that he would speak up more; have more conversation with you; tell you how some behaviours are not “okay” and why.

You said you’re content. Are you really? Or are you just used to him being on the side of your life? Is this contentment that you’re feeling now?

No, you’re starting to feel bored. And frustrated.

Everything that seemed to compliment your personality is starting to be a setback to the relationship. It’s precisely because he is so docile that he will never be the one to help you tone down your hot headed attitude. It’s precisely because he’s so content with what he have, that he will never be able to share your joy when you managed to get somewhere through your drive and passion. It’s precisely because he lacks the drive, that you will find yourself burdened when you wish to bring luxuries to your family.

It’s precisely because of everything he is that you find that you loved him, but you’re never in love with him. You’re only staying because you think loving him is enough.

But reality is, it’s never enough for you. TC mark

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