To My Almost Love: Thank You

woman standing holding plate
Drew Patrick Miller

You were that one guy who made me giddy again, like there were butterflies in my stomach whenever I see you smile or hear you talk, just a thought of you had me spaced out for a little while, in the middle of the day, and I would usually had this goofy grin plastered on my face, you were that one guy who had me smiling like an idiot without me even noticing it, that one guy who I could share my thoughts with at 3 a.m. You had me dreaming about us some nights and woke up with a gleeful feeling for the rest of the day. Before “our thing,” I was happy enough to settle for “love” found in novels, but then you came and I started to wonder what it was like to feel in love again, you had me craving for the usual things lovers do, like go on a date, cuddle or even hold hands while walking. We were slowly getting to know each other and I was glad that you were putting that much effort to talk to me since you were on the other side of the world for quite some time now.

The thing is that, I wasn’t really afraid whether we might work out or not, the truth is I was actually afraid of what I might have become if I decided to open up my heart again. You were slowly cracking up these thick walls I built for so long that it scared me, because I didn’t want to be the same girl I was back then, the girl who would always wear her heart on her sleeves, the girl who was willing to love someone more than she loved herself. I had these plans laid out for the future and I was just starting to get through it step by step, I’m sorry that I let fear reign on me, that If I decided to give us a shot, I would rather choose you over it. While you, on the other hand, you were doing so good in your chosen field, you were starting to achieve your lifelong goals and I didn’t want to interfere.

Maybe we were not yet ready or that I was too confident that what we had was enough for you to wait for me whatever the odds were, maybe I didn’t give you that much attention and affection that you decided to let me go. Maybe it was another case of bad timing, and our distance was also one of the main reason of our demise. You had managed to slowly find your way inside this well-guarded heart, and now I am left with “what could’ve been’s,” without any memory of us to cherish, sucks that our story had to end before it even started.

But on a lighter note, I would like to thank you for making me feel the things I was longing to feel even if it was just for a short time, thank you for having me realize that I am still capable of feeling it, and lastly thank you for inspiring me to strive more and do well in life. I won’t consider this as another heartbreak but rather a lesson, that I am still worthy of being loved and treasured. Know that I will always be here, on the sidelines, cheering for you, quietly and proudly and know that I would always pray for your happiness!

Sincerely,

Your Almost TC mark

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