I grew up in Northern California and my friends were reggae festival-attending hippies and camo-loving hunters. The first thing you learn when you hang around both, they’re the same effing creature. They don’t want to admit this, but c’mon, we can face facts – hunters and hippies are not natural opposites. They’re not enemies or even really opposed to each other. They’re flip sides of the same coin. Or as Belloq told Indiana Jones “I am but a shadowy reflection of you.” Don’t believe me?
Here’s 11 Ways Hippies and Hunters Are The Same:
1. They’re happiest deep in the bush among the splendor of nature
Of course, once they get there the hippies want to make a fire, strip off all their clothes, get high and start re-enacting quasi-pagan rituals, while the hunters want to strap on some camo, get muddy and shoot the shit out of some ducks and deer. Other than that … it’s the same. Basically, they’re both always looking for an excuse to go camping.
2. They both smell like shit.
In the case of hunters, they do it on purpose. They’ll avoid showering before a hunting trip so they don’t smell so much like civilization. And then once they’re hanging out in the blind, or trekking through hill and dale, they build up a good sweat, maybe rub some mud to minimize their city stink. But all of it is on purpose. With hippies, they tend to think patchouli smells good in heavy doses and that burning sage works as deodorant. I mean I love Dr. Bronner’s soap more than the next guy but a little deodorant wouldn’t kill you. (Oh what’s that? You think it will kill you because of the chemicals in it? Okay. Then what if you just rub some cinnamon powder in your armpits? That way you’d just smell like autumn all the time. That’d be cool.)
3. You rarely find them without a dog.
If you know a dude who is a hippie, chances are you also know his dog. Hippies and dogs. Part of me thinks hippies like to keep dogs around so something smells a little more ripe than they do. And hunters love their dogs more than Shaggy loved Scooby. Both of them are usually happiest when it’s just them and their dog and they’re kicking around somewhere in nature, taking a hike, snapping pictures of birds, or shooting the shit out of some ducks and deer.
4. They attend festivals and gatherings that no one else wants to attend.
There are two places I’ve never been to that I can likely never visit and still manage to die without feeling cheated: a gun show in some overgrown truck-stop like Bakersfield or stuck somewhere at a three-day pagan wiccan festival in the middle of a forest filled with aging hippie parents rocking tie-dye, making gas money working tables of handmade jewelry and artisanal soap, while you dodge their naked children and hope your biodegradable plate doesn’t biodegrade in your hand.
5. Don’t get them started talking about guns.
They may not agree on guns … but most reasonable people would rather swallow their own tongue than listen to either a hippie or a hunter deliver an impassioned twenty minute rant on modern day gun culture. (Personally, I’d rather shoot both of them than hear them talk about guns.)
6. NatGeo is travel porn for them.
If you have hunters and hippies as friends on social media, you’ll likely notice they often share the same things. And without irony. Since they both love strange and exotic places, National Geographic seems to falls right in that sweet spot in their Venn diagram of shared interests. (Same is true for articles about canning fruits and vegetables and disaster preparedness.)
7. The Federal government is their enemy.
Doesn’t matter if it is hunters complaining about the cost of their tags or the restrictions of the BLM or if it’s hippies complaining about getting hassled by the DEA for growing pot in a national forest, both of them have little patience for the “un-American” limitations placed on them by Uncle Sam — that old buzzkill.
8. They both love conservation.
Hippies obviously are environmentalist and love all the creatures of the earth and blah, blah, blah. Hunters have an unfair reputation just because they kill animals (and shoot each other, occasionally. Pro tip: Never go hunting with Dick Cheney.) But as any one of them will tell you the majority of conservation dollars come from hunters’ wallets. That shouldn’t surprise you. Hunters love animals. They just have a funny way of showing it.
9. They both really want to go up to Alaska.
Hunters will save for years to go on a hunt in the great wilderness of Alaska. You see, Africa and the Arctic remain final frontiers, like imagined lands hunters dream of visiting so they can shoot the shit out of some animals more exotic than ducks and deer. Hippies, on the other hand, want to go to Alaska because they know someone who knows someone who once worked on the fishing boats and they wanna go up there and make a big score of cash so they can finally set up their grow room. (Those lights are expensive.)
10. If you get ‘em drunk, get ready for conspiracy theories.
Due to their lifestyles, both groups are pushed to the edges of society. This causes them to be a bit touchy and, okay, let’s just say it, paranoid. If you happen to lower their inhibitions with some whiskey or wine, you have a 50/50 chance of hearing about how the Bilderbergs and the Illuminati plan to take everyone’s guns and treat us all like sheeple. And don’t get them started on the new Denver airport. Doesn’t matter, hunter or hippie, get ‘em drunk and soon enough you’ll be knee-deep in theories about the NSA, FEMA, aliens and shape-shifting British royalty.
11. They both love Willie Nelson.
I mean who doesn’t love Willie Nelson? (If you don’t love Willie Nelson, you’re doing music wrong.) But this was the first thing I noticed about hippies and hunters — they both love outlaw country music. It seems to speak directly to their twin souls. Waylon and Willie are like theme music for nature-loving outsiders. Hippies will get high and sing Willie Nelson songs around a campfire under the stars. Hunters might sing along to Willie in their truck on their way home after a beautiful weekend of shooting the shit out of some ducks and deer.
Hippies look at nature and they want to save what they love.
Hunters look at nature and they want to save what they love…
…so one day, their son or daughter can shoot it.