19 things people who were born in the Early 2010s are currently experiencing:
1. Despite your best efforts, occasionally, when you get excited you still pee on yourself.
2. You’re starting to worry you’re losing your “new baby smell.” On the other hand, you’re really stoked you’ve grown enough hair that your mom no longer has to give you a comb-over.
3. Not yet a controlling factor in your life, at this point, money remains a very elusive concept. If you have any money you most likely will try to eat it.
4. Your whole world can change because of a good fart or burp. In fact, gas has a very large impact on your total happiness. (You’ve noticed this also true for some of your aunts and uncles.)
5. You remember teething like it was yesterday. Some of your best memories involve ice.
6. Your strongest relationships are with stuffed animals, imaginary friends and your mother.
7. The closest you’ve come to a job is Bring-Your-Baby-To-Work-Day. But you feel like you could totally hack the office environment because everyone was so happy to see you.
8. Your whole world is based around nap-time. This seems like the only way to live.
9. Physically, your body is an unreliable expression of your will. Consequently, you often feel a lot of pressure to succeed when someone hands you, say, a glass of grape juice. (Sorry, not sorry. #NotMyFaultImAGoddamnToddler)
10. Adults seem really tense about a bunch of imaginary things, and you don’t understand why playing make-believe is so difficult for them.
11. You can be convinced to go anywhere in the world with the promise you’ll get ice cream.
12. You haven’t begun to make any real mistakes yet. Your biggest mistake was pulling the cat’s tail. (But you think the dog really speaks your language.)
13. You’ve begun to pay attention to the others around you and now you’re beginning to worry that this is the only time in your life that everyone will think you’re cute and always want to kiss you. You find this thought worrisome. Until you think about animal crackers. All better!
14. You’re secretly counting the days until you get your very own big girl bed. (And you already have anxiety about wetting it.)
15. You’ve seen older siblings go off to school. For reasons you can’t fully explain you’re really into trying this whole pre-school thing.
16. You’ve never been to a concert, but you’re looking forward to Disney On Ice like it was the next Woodstock.
17. Women don’t get insulted when you suddenly reach for their boobs. They also think it’s cute when you drool on them. Somehow you know this will not always be the case.
18. You’re rather worried your parents think you’re an idiot, mostly, because they insist on talking to you like you’re a baby.
19. Everything you do – absolutely everything you do – is a tiny miracle. And you’re secretly worried it’s all downhill from here. Or maybe not. Who cares?! It’s naptime!