Okay, first things first. Do you know what a “love doll” is?
Yes, it’s exactly what you think it is. It’s a synthetic life-sized doll that people have sex with. The world-famous singer recently teamed-up with a Japanese company and together they unveiled the Lady Gaga Love Doll. (And you just know some really bad “Poker Face” jokes are about to hit the fan on Twitter.)
Now, for those unfamiliar with such modern sexual aids, this “love doll” isn’t another embarrassingly bad, celebrity knock-off blow-up doll like the one nicknamed “J-Ho” with its advertised “booty from the block.” Nor is this one anything like the curvaceous “Beyonce” inflatable dolls that are already a glut on the market. Not at all. Way more work and craftsmanship went into this than went into such creations as the discount blow-up dolls coyly nicknamed “Katy Pervy” and “Finally Miley” also already available for purchase.
Following in the spirit of Lady Gaga’s stage performances and publicity stunts, this new “love doll” lives in a world of its own. It’s more like one of those incredibly realistic and life-size wax statues on exhibit at Madame Tussaud’s in London.
To be fair to the minds busy imagining new advances for the sex industry, life-like “love dolls” aren’t a new innovation. But this new Lady Gaga love doll isn’t much like those life-like silicone dolls that are built from moulds to replicate the intimate interior geometry of porn stars; such as the ones made to look like Hannah Harper that are advertised with such choice phrases as:
- This doll is an exact replica of adult superstar, Hannah Harper.
- The anal and vaginal cavities use Fanta-Flesh technology for realistic sensations.
- Batteries: 2 AA batteries are required for the vibrator (not included).
Apparently, this new Lady Gage love doll is a high quality product. And it’s officially endorsed by Lady Gaga. She helped craft the final product and added certain unique touches. For instance, if you lean in close and put your ear to her silicone heart you can hear Lady Gaga sing to you or whisper one of her recorded messages. Isn’t that sweet?
I can’t decide if this is the creepiest thing ever, or if it’s just the nature of what happens when self-fellating fame meets the sex industry. No matter what you think of it, Lady Gaga is pushing the world of synthetic sex and celebrity worship forward.
The company she partnered with, Orient Industry, unveiled these new “love dolls” as part of Lady Gaga’s concert promotions for her ARTPOP tour. And according to reports by the Japan Times, Lady Gaga had this to say:
“They look so much like me,” Gaga said during a news conference in Tokyo’s Roppongi district. “I respect your art . . . and the detail you put into the dolls,” she told the manufacturers.
And according to their reports about her Japanese press conference, the NY Daily News added this fun quote from Lady Gaga about being upstaged by her synthetic counterparts:
“They were so excited to take pictures of me with the dolls and then all of a sudden the dolls took over,” she said. “And the dolls were the most important thing in the room. And this is a beautiful thing.”
For the record, there’s been no explicit mention of whether or not the dolls are being constructed with the express purpose of having sex with them. That “beautiful thing” was left to the imagination. But I’d say it doesn’t take much imagination to know that’s exactly what will be going down once these love dolls hit the market.
If you’re curious, here’s a video showing the delicate craftsmanship they used to construct the Lady Gaga Love Doll.
The only bad news is for you Christmas-shoppers. The love dolls won’t be available for sale in time for the holiday.