I have written thousands of love letters before which I only kept and didn’t send. As much as I would love to, I know those letters would lose their meaning once they reached their rightful owners. After all, no matter how precious a thing is, it still would mean nothing to the person who didn’t even value it.
But you, my love, made me want to write again.
You made me want to say every single word I have in my mind for you to understand how much love you’ve given me and how much it made me feel. You should know how brightly you’ve shone in my galaxy of doubts. Seeing you make your way through my life, I would’ve stopped you right there and then for the fear of being hurt again.
But you, my love, made me want to try again.
I was already on the verge of giving up on love. I have long accepted the fact that I may not be able to feel it again the way I wanted it. The way how those fairytale-like stories make each person’s eyes sparkle with excitement or how your heart jumps as if it’s meant to beat for only them.
But you, my love, made me want to trust love again.
And if it’s not going to be you in the end, I guarantee it won’t be anyone else. I haven’t been able to see how clear my future is until I met you. I prayed for you and I prayed for this; and every time the sun shines the next morning, I am willing to try again.
So to the man I’m deeply in love with right now, please be patient with me. I may be as alluring as a treasure box outside but I tell you, you won’t like the Pandora’s box in me once you figure it out. My life is a mess right now with all the pieces I got from the past and I’m afraid I might hurt you for letting you pick them all up for me.
Please don’t get mad at me whenever I ask you why you had to turn off the call at 3 a.m. in the morning even if it’s just me sleeping soundly on the other end. I’ve known guys before who would shut it off just to talk to someone else other than me.
Or whenever I get too clingy at times you don’t reply fast just because I’ve known guys who would say they are busy with something only to know they’re playing dirty behind my back.
Don’t get me wrong, I love and trust you, my love. What’s not to trust when I’ve already given it all to almost everyone only for them to let it shatter into pieces? It’s my thoughts and insecurities that I don’t. So please bear with me. Please be more patient for I am still a work in progress. I am still trying to be the best for you even if I’ve had worse than you could imagine. After all, I believe my heart is still functional. Been broken but continuously healing. And for you, I’ll make it whole once again.
I love you, my sanctuary.