Imagine yourself walking home alone and lonely after a beloved friend or a special someone cancels for a more important matter.
“Life is a matter of choices,” they say. Sounds comforting to know that we don’t have to settle for one, but it’s not until you become one of those choices and beg almost everyone to choose you. And in the most ironic moment, they begin to remember you only if they know they have already ‘no choice.‘
For the one who is always available but never taken.
For the one who gets set aside because someone is always so much better.
For the one they always run to after they got rejected by someone they chose over you.
For the one who is constantly fighting for a spot in someone else’s life.
For the one with the perfect ability of making someone feel important even though they make you feel otherwise.
You can’t blame them. You just can’t. At the end of the day, you blame yourself instead because you don’t seem to be enough for them no matter how much you try. You are always available and you think that’s the problem. They take you for granted because you can’t say ‘No’ to them. They always expect you to understand because you say it’s okay all the time.
Sometimes you wish you were tougher. Like if one day they came running to you again and you’re suddenly no longer there for them. You wish you can turn your back.
But you can’t.
Because you know exactly how it feels to be rejected. You know how it feels to be set aside. You know how it feels to be left out for something MORE than you. You know how it feels to be in that situation and if anything, you don’t want anyone to experience the pain of it.
To be honest, being NOT an option is way more acceptable than being the second best.
Because not being on the list gives you more reason to just give up. But when you are the second best, you know you could have done more. You could have done better. But somehow, no matter what you do, you are still a little less than the one on top.
And you don’t know what hurts more—the fact that you know you did your best but are still not good enough or the fact that you know you are just one step behind?
Just one step behind.
But after everything, I can say that you don’t have to settle for anything less than what you deserve. If they can’t choose you, then choose yourself. There’s no greater love than being able to love yourself first. You don’t have to put down yourself for someone who is only there for you whenever it’s convenient for them. You don’t have to beg anyone to choose you because you won’t have to do that if you are the priority in the first place.
If you are only a choice, remember that you do have yours, too, and that it is to choose whatever will make you feel worthy enough.
If it doesn’t open, it’s not your door.