This Is How It Feels Having An Unrequited Love Because It’s Not Just Heartaches At 3 AM

John Green once said through his book Will Grayson, Will Grayson,

“Why would you like someone who can’t like you back? The question is rhetorical, but if I wasn’t trying to shut up, I’d answer it: You like someone who can’t like you back because unrequited love can be survived in a way that once-requited love cannot.”

One day, you just wake up loving someone who can’t love you back even if the universe itself is telling you that you two are not meant to be and yet, your heart only wants him. Your memories of your love is just mostly about you coming up with a very long list of why you two should be together and still, you enjoy the bliss of it, even how dreadful it may truly feel. Most of us tend to love to the extent of shooting our ablazing hearts to the moon even if it means never coming back.

An emotional state of having our hearts broken for losing someone who was never ours in the first place or of wanting the affection of someone unattainable.

The stolen glances, the 11:11 wishes or the tossing a bunch of coins on so-called wishing wells until you finally run out of them. Moments when you pass by a certain place hoping you’d cross paths and they eventually notice you. Daydreams and a whole lot of thoughts left unsaid containing words perfectly constructed in a way you believe will make them like you back.

Who wouldn’t be happy to be with the person they’ve been wishing the stars for, right? So in the end we just hope that they won’t stop shining like how they’ve always been the brightest star in our galaxy of doubts while wondering why they’ll never know how strongly someone have once loved them or that they were once everything we ever wanted. Moments when we search for them in a crowded place but they were never there.

Others thinks it’s ridiculous, let alone delusional, but they are missing a lot of things about unrequited love.

They don’t know how our special person’s smile makes us feel bright and optimistic about our life. That no matter how hard it is, we can overcome it. They are our personal sanctuary; our safe haven.

Our wonderwall.

They don’t know how their eyes glow like a dazzling fireball full of motivation to achieve our dreams.

They don’t know how their laugh sounds like the lifeline we needed as if everything depends on it.

They don’t know how their voice sounds like the lullaby that the rhythm of both our hearts wrote together.; or how their arms are the last place we want to be just in case we don’t make it till the end.

They don’t know how our songs are like the story of our lives written to be heard by the people. They don’t know how they made us feel loved even there’s a high wall between us.

They made us feel as if we can do anything as long as we believe in them. They make us wonder about all the little things about them and not just the bare truth they show to others every now and then. They make us think how they like their coffee in the morning or how they want their food done. How they are when they are completely alone while we’re here wishing to be with them instead. It’s like going on your life normally but at the end of the day, we still think about them and why wouldn’t they gravitate towards us.

The feeling is almost numinous. It fears us yet we still can’t stop getting fascinated; awed yet attracted.

We were mesmerized. Yes, it’s just like thunder and lightning—beautiful, yet equally terrifying.

And it’s unfair.

It’s unfair how they make us feel all these when they don’t even know we exist. It’s unfair how we were able to memorize every little part of their face wondering how God was able to fit each part perfectly in place when they are not even aware of the very air we breathe.

Unrequited love will make you feel for Ariana Grande’s song, “Almost is Never Enough.”

It never was.

The plight of almost hugging the person yet there’ll be an invisible force that would stop you eventually. Almost getting the love you need then suddenly you remember the feeling of being denied of the opportunity itself which, for the record, nobody is immune from.

This is just another tainted love—so deep yet so complicated.

We wish we can do something about this feelings of ours but we know we can only love them from afar. We know people like them don’t fall for people like us and the thought almost feels like a punch to the moon and we trust the universe instead together with all the celestial beings out there. Just because they don’t like us does not mean the others wouldn’t too. Maybe they are not just the ones for us or maybe they are just not into us. It is indeed an agonizing and devastating truth but if we look through it, we’ll realize that it’s a universal harmony that we all share.