We’ve all been there. It’s Friday night and
nobody has invited you out you’re spending a relaxing evening alone watching TV. So you scroll through the guide checking hundreds of channels and find absolutely nothing to watch. Life is hard, I know. Don’t you wish there were shows out there that you actually wanted to watch? Or more importantly, shows that I want to watch? Here are some shows that I would pitch to every major network if given the opportunity.
1. The Hunger Games: Celebrity Edition
OK, yes, sending a bunch of people to fight to the death for the amusement of others is wrong. But seriously setting aside your whole anti-murder agenda, how great would this show be? Imagine Scandal’s Kerry Washington hunting down Kim Kardashian through a muddy jungle. Or Justin Bieber trying to climb up a tree to escape a bloodthirsty Ellen DeGeneres armed with nothing more than a twig. The possibilities are endless!
2. Untitled Cat Procedural
Everyone loves a good procedural and there are a lot of different ones out there. But what are all of the CSIs and Grey’s Anatomys missing? Cats. This show follows one sassy cat in particular who doesn’t play by anyone’s rules. Maybe it’s a lawyer or a doctor or a short-order cook; to be honest it doesn’t even really matter. The show will pretty much just follow the cat meowing angrily at authority figures while trying not to fall in love with its boss, who is a dog. I will watch all 10 seasons of this plus the spinoffs.
3. Sexy Vampire Sex Time
If you haven’t figured it out already I pretty much have the taste of your best friend’s kid sister, Sarah. Like Sarah I love a good supernatural romance. But quite frankly oftentimes there is just too much story for me. I mean how many times can the world really almost end? That’s why this show skips all of that and is just an hour a week of sexy vampires making out. Now you’re probably thinking, “Wait isn’t that just soft-core porn?” Yes. But with vampires!
4. So You Think You Can Put Together Ikea Furniture
Each episode, five couples go into separate rooms armed with the task to assemble one Ikea bookcase. The producers tell them whoever assembles it the fastest wins but in reality whichever couple manages to hold off on murdering each other the longest wins. The winner gets like a trip to Jamaica or something but the losers get more Ikea furniture, because that is hilarious.
5. The Tinder Diaries
This endearing rom-com follows the story of Melanie Jacobson, a twenty-something aspiring writer who just moved to NYC to pursue her dreams. Throughout the series we see her ups and downs as she tries to navigate the tricky world of online dating. You’ll experience every fun moment of using Tinder, from corny pick-up lines and awkward small talk to unsolicited dick pics and guys who act like they like you, take you on a really cute date, and then never call you back! Actually now that I think about it this one might just be my life.