Oftentimes, we misunderstand what it means to show our man we love him.
Sure, preparing his favorite food for a couple hours or spending weeks deciding on a thoughtful gift are very nice and good ways to show our love and care. But, what if we are actually focusing too much on how we as women feel loved and not necessarily on how they want to be loved?
Men feel loved in different ways than women do and they all revolve around respect.
1. Respect his ways.
I used to make little comments about my husband’s way of doing things. For instance, while he is driving, I say, “Our exit is coming up soon, you need to change lanes now” or after we are done eating, “Let’s clean the dishes right now and not wait.” I thought I was being helpful, so we don’t miss the exit or deal with sticky dishes later.
However, I realized that deep inside I believe my way is better and more efficient. By making those comments, I showed my husband disrespect and distrust in the excuse of “helping him”.
Our men don’t need another mother. They want a wise, mature and loving woman who respects their judgments and decisions. They want to feel like a man around us, not a child. To truly love men in the way they want to be loved, we need to patiently respect his ways and sometimes allow him to make mistakes.
Next time, you want to make a comment about your man’s way of doing things, stop and think: What is more important to me? Making him feel loved and supported or small and distrusted by pushing my way?
2. Respect his space.
Men and women deal with stress differently. Not all, but most women get recharged by simply talking about stress and receiving sympathy or validation about it.
On the other hand, most men prefer to minimize stress. They do not want to think or talk about it until they are ready. They get recharged by having their own space from it. Their “space” can mean simply being alone, zoning out in front of the TV, playing golf or hanging out with buddies.
In the beginning of our relationship, I didn’t know this simple fact about men. When my husband seemed stressed out, I tried so hard to get him to talk about it.
When he instead, went out with his friends, it offended me and made me feel unloved. This usually turned into a fight which added more stress to my poor husband.
If this sound familiar, just remember that when your man wants his own space, its not necessarily that he doesn’t love you. He is simply designed and handles things differently. That is all.
Even without the stressful times in their lives, men appreciate freedom. It is important for them to feel independent and have their own time to evaluate life. This also gives your man the opportunity to miss you!
Sometime it’s very difficult for us to give our man space. We want to know everything about him and we want him to share every piece of his life with us because we love him.
To truly love him in the way he wants to be loved, we should learn to “back off” sometimes. The next time, your man wants to be alone or hang out with his friends, let him enjoy his space and his man-ness. That’s how he feels loved.
3. Respect with words – show him appreciation.
One of the greatest ways to love him is by using respectful words.
Show him appreciation for who he is and what he does for you as often as possible. Even though it may be little things like taking out the garbage or mowing the lawn, men need to be recognized and encouraged because doing these little things are how they show us their love.
Raise them with encouraging words when they feel low.
No matter how strong your man is on the outside. Most men (most human beings actually) are very fragile inside. Men don’t really open their inner feelings to anyone except maybe their woman. So, our criticism and negative judgments can really damage them whether they show it or not.
Tell him how proud you are to be with him and how much you trust him. Men can feel like a superhero or a tiny bug depending on the words we choose. Behind the most respectful man, there is always a wise woman. The more we cover their weaknesses and encourage their strengths, the more honorable and loving they will be.