The packaged arrived on Saturday while we were eating breakfast. When she looked in it there were multiple dildos staring back at her. I don’t know about you, but the intricate break up politics surrounding lesbians and their sex toys have always confused me. For some reason we treat our strap-ons like they’re children in a custody battle. Except neither person really wants them, they just want the other person to still care.
I get it, break ups suck, and I like to think I’ve been understanding about how long it’s taken you to process that your relationship with my girlfriend is over. There have been many nights of unwanted calls and multiple unanswered emails. I know that these assorted fake penises were the last remnants (metaphorical and otherwise) of the relationship you two had, and you probably felt like you could make some big statement by sending them to her instead of just throwing them out. However, this is where I need to draw the line. You sending that package was not just another attempt to create an uncomfortable situation meant to test my relationship. The box of dildos was the physical manifestation of your blatant refusal to respect my partners multiple requests that you leave her alone.
What I have to say, what she will never say, is that you absolutely need to back off, now. I say this not because I’m jealous or mind the fact that you two were once together, but because she asked you to, and that deserves to be respected. She deserves to be respected. Every time you ignore her wishes and contact her you make it clear that her needs come second to your wants. Not to give you any pointers, but that’s probably not the best way to win her back. If it’s any consolation it’s not just you. I think that behavior like this speaks to a bigger issue in our society that teaches people, especially women that persistence and romance are one in the same, and that true love means pursuing a person even when they resist. This notion dangerously implies that consent isn’t always necessary if it’s in the name of love. The thing is, no still means no, and stop still means stop even when there’s no sexual or physical contact involved. Not listening when someone asks to be left alone causes them to feel not only uncomfortable, but also unsafe. Making people feel unsafe is never cool, and making people feel unsafe in the name of one sided unresolved feelings is just bad.
In some ways this response is giving you exactly what you wanted, and in others it’s just an opportunity for me to write about a box of sex toys that UPS left on my doorstep. But mostly it’s my roundabout declaration of love and respect for my lovely, breathtaking partner. If I was in your position I would be sad too. Moving on is hard, but a relationship takes two people, and attempting to exist in one when the other person isn’t participating is pretty silly. Not that I know you very well or anything, but I’m sure you’re above that. Oh and if you’re really wondering, the dildos found a permanent home in the trash, but thanks for the extra pair of handcuffs.