Yes. That’s me. I’m that woman on the Xbox with the men that other women say are little boys. I’m that girl that everyone says, “You sound cute,” but they don’t realize that I’m the fatty that has only had two boyfriends. I’m that woman that has about ten guy friends on the Xbox that are just as comfortable telling me about their itchy balls as they are with their other friends. Being that woman on the Xbox is fun for many reasons.
1. I hear so many crazy man stories – Some of the stories they can tell will make me start laughing randomly in quiet places. They are hilarious, interesting, and sometimes just plain interesting. They can be about sex, work, school, or anything. One of them told me about the time he floated face down in a pool to get a girl to like him. He didn’t have great logic. Sometimes just hearing that guy yell at his sister is absolutely hilarious. Imagine trying to do an assignment and you hear, “Why would I have your tampons!?” from a guy.
2. They’re comfortable around me – I always hated how men were super uncomfortable being themselves around me because I was the only one around with a uterus. It made me feel like the mom in the room. I know not all guys are like that of course but it seems like meeting them over the Xbox establishes some kind of automatic rapport.
3. They want my perspective – I get in Xbox Parties with these guys every day. Two of them always have a story about their crazy love life. One of them appears to be asexual. One stays single because his last six relationships worked out horribly. One is gay but he hasn’t told the other guys yet. The other one never talks about his love life. (They never asked me out. Thank god!” They want to hear what I think of what just happened with their girlfriend (which gives me the perfect excuse to be nosey) and they want to know if they were wrong or if she was wrong. They want something from me that they can’t get from the other guys and that feels nice.
4. I’m comfortable around them – I can take my bra off while I’m online and go “Mrrrrarrrrrghhh! That feels so much better” and they’ll laugh instead of getting mildly uncomfortable. They can’t see what I’m doing. I can sit naked with my legs spread all over the place and they’ll never know. I can tell them this and they won’t care.
5. I give them a run for their money – They don’t care that they’re getting beat by a girl. That kind of thing seems to happen when the girl has never even held a controller before and she pushes one button that kills him every time. I did make one of them scream when I was shooting him but that was only because I promised I wouldn’t do it again. I did it again….and again….and again….then I laughed about it.
6. I’m closer to them than any other platonic male friend – It’s nice to have friends that I’m close to. All my friends seemed to have drifted away. It’s nice to get online and just talk sometimes. I don’t even have to play a game. Sometimes I just have the Xbox on, sitting on the dashboard, and we all just talk. Those are some of the most fulfilling conversations I’ve ever had.
I’m not one of the guys. I’m not the woman from the office that feels cool because she’s at the strip club with her colleagues. I’m not worried that they’ll ask me out. It’s one of those things where a they all automatically friend zoned and I automatically friend zoned all of them. I’m not that woman who only has male friends. I just haven’t been able to find some female friends that won’t treat me like I’m one of the guys. I do girly stuff.