Anything my mother ever told me & everything my mother did not tell me.
My mother loved me beyond measure and raised me to be half the decent human being she is. However, treating sex like a taboo only resulted in misinformation and pain. Pain that could have been avoided if my mother was more open about the reality of sex. My mother is aggressively conservative, she even viewed masturbation as a sin! With this mentality instilled in me, I viewed sex as something dirty, & when my teen hormones got the best of me I always felt guilty afterwards. This crushed my sexual self-esteem.
Leave the picture books for the classroom
I am all about women getting to know their bodies. This is crucial for both medical and pleasurable purposes. However, illustrated genitalia should stay for school projectors. There a teacher can scientifically explain what every single organ and muscle is for and the biological reasoning. Explaining my daughter’s body parts is something I am willing to do but only if this is something she wants me to do. Forcing her to look through a picture book puts us both in a uncomfortable situation if neither of us wants to be doing so.
She will ask me before google
Having enjoyable sex conversations is crucial. Without this my daughter will grow up thinking sexual relations are for the sole purpose to bear children- until she finds out otherwise. I want to give her knowledge that empowers her and makes her feel mature about the topic. There will be questions that will make me blush but If I do not arm her with reliable information she will turn to the internet.
No, having sex does not make me view you as less
I went through my entire sexual development by myself. When I got my first pregnancy scare, I was more fearful of my parents than actually being pregnant. I will forbid her from slut shaming other girls as well. Sexual acts are beautiful and natural and she will view them as such.
I will tell her about my rape story.
The first time I ever had alcohol was also the day I was raped. I battled depression and anxiety on my own for months following the incident. I had no one to express my feelings to and my mother was out of the question. I was fourteen years old and my mother had told me about girls who got drunk and were raped “were asking for it”. I was certainly not asking for the violent and traumatic experience I endured when a classmate pressured me to drink and later locked me inside his bedroom. I knew that if I told a school counselor my mother would most certainty find out and that sent a shiver down my spine.
Self respect comes first
Sexual relations have real consequences. That is why education will make her have better judgment. No man will ever complete her as much as her own self confidence will. I will instill her words that make her feel valued and worthy of desire. She will choose who she loses her virginity to but she will not lose herself.
I have a couple of tricks down my sleeve
I thought there was something wrong with me when I first started touching myself. I read books and books of religious content that told me lustful thinking of others was a sin and that intimacy is for marriage only. When I had my first partially serious relationship I made a hot-headed decision to sleep with my boyfriend of a couple months. I abstained from masturbation so I was full of sexual energy. That ended up being a mistake when that boyfriend told everyone in our grade that we had sex. I was ridiculed in the hallways and cat called by this boy’s friends. Hopefully she is willing to hear about the benefits of self-control masturbation can have before a date so her body does not control her.
Sex is awesome
When her heart and body align and she decides to have sex I want her to feel fulfilled and complete. If I failed in my lessons along the way and she made mistakes, I want her to come cry into my arms. I never want er to feel ashamed of herself because for a long time I did. Years later I came to realize my early adult life could have been better if only I had healthy and honest relationships with my mother.