Wake up and immediately think to yourself, “I’m going to get hammered tonight.” Go through day repeating this thought throughout your menial tasks. Think about what you have to do tomorrow and reassure yourself, “I’m going to get drunk tonight.”
Finish infinitesimal responsibilities and crack open a beer as soon as you get back to your dorm/apartment/house. Relish the first gulp. Relish the second. Finish the beer and open another. Turn on the TV and watch Seinfeld reruns as you tear through the 24-case you bought yesterday. Realize it’s only 6:30 and you’re already pretty buzzed. Decide to slow down so you can keep drinking later.
Your roommate/spouse/friend comes over 15 minutes later and asks if you want to start drinking. Ignore the fact that you have been already and oblige. Decide to still take it slow. Abandon this decision when your roommate/spouse/friend insults you for drinking slowly. Challenge them to a “Who Can Drink More” contest. Finish your case.
After declaring your victory, loudly, demand it is time to go out to that party/bar you had heard about from one of your friends. Feel like you are losing your buzz by the time you get to the party/bar and order a Jack and Coke. Finish within 5 minutes of getting it. Order another. Finish it and insist there is very little alcohol in it and order another. Start going up to all your friends and realize they are not as drunk as you are. Feel upset. Feel ashamed. Feel betrayed. Finish your drink and order another. See that one person who you wished you would never see again (i.e. ex-lover, ex-friend, etc.). Finish drink and order another. Think about going up and saying something to aforementioned person.
Wake up. Wonder where you are. Realize you are in your room. Have no idea how you got there. Try to think about the last thing you remember. You were going to say something to the one person you did not want to see. But you decided not to? You think? Go through your text messages. Realize everything you thought about doing you ended up doing. Feel upset. Feel ashamed. Feel embarrassed. Think about how you wish you could just forget everything.
Think to yourself, “I’m going to get hammered tonight.”