I cannot speak for others, as this battle is different for each person. What I can describe is my own experience in the hopes that my testimony could help another struggling soul.
For three years, I have suffered and battled with Borderline Personality Disorder and Major Depression (diagnosed). Little did I know that for several years prior, there was a war upon my mind and I was losing. Growing up, I wasn’t much of a talker. It kept me out of trouble. Instead, in order to cope with life, I built an entirely different universe around me, a place within the deep recesses of mind that I could escape to when life became too much to handle, as it so often does. I created worlds and imaginary lifeforms that I felt could understand me. However, I did not know that in fabricating these counterfeit worlds, my mind was beginning to split even more.
What’s amazing is the fact that there are thousands upon thousands of chemicals and neurons running through our minds on a daily basis. As a child, I couldn’t possibly understand this. Truthfully, the only thing that I ever wanted was to live out each day in peace. I grew up in a Christian household and still practice this faith to this day. But what you are not told is that living out this faith doesn’t erase your daily problems or drop peace and tranquility on top of your head like an anvil. What it does is make those hard moments bearable.
I wish that I could’ve understood this fact back then during the early stages of my brain development. Life is something that is out of everyone’s control. And I desperately wish that I could rewind time for just a couple of moments and tell that little boy that although it feels uncomfortable right now, it will not always be that way. You do not have to hide behind self-erected walls to try and keep out the bad. And most importantly, know that not everything that happens to you is your fault. Healing is a slow and uncomfortable process, and you will come across your fair share of heartache. But you will get through it. You are capable of so much more than just living. You are capable of surviving.