I don’t think that college actually prepared me for real life. I took a bunch of math and science and English classes that did not actually help me advance from a child to an adult. Here is a list of suggested classes for all Universities to add to their curriculum:
1. Intro to Dodging Phone Calls from Sallie Mae Like She’s Your Psycho Ex-Girlfriend
2. Accept That You Will Never Be Spoken To Like You’re An Actual Human Being Ever Again: A Guide for the Aspiring Executive Assistant
3. How to Convince Your Landlord to Please, Please Fix Your Doorknob 101
4. Surviving Off Dollar Pizza and Groupon: An Intensive Look at Your First Two Years Out of College
5. You Don’t Have Health Insurance, and Everyone in Your Office / On the 6 Train / In Line at the Grocery Story Is Sick: Deal With It
6. Your Ex-boyfriend Finally Changed His Netflix Password, But You’re Only Halfway Through House of Cards: Now What?
7. An Intermediate Study of the 12 People From Your High School That Got Married In the Past 5 Years: Why? How? Should You?
8. You’re Not Fat Yet, But You’re Also Not Skinny Anymore: An Analysis
9. What Do You Do For a Living? And 75 Other Questions That You Must Have an Adequate Answer For at Parties
10. Mom, I’m Really Sorry: How to Tell Your Parents That You Got Fired, But That It Was Like, A Really Shitty Company and Totally Not the Direction You Wanted To Go In Anyway
…because these are the things that I would have actually benefitted from learning before I became a real adult.