You Should Have Left Him

You should have left him.

It was time.

You should have said goodbye and not looked back. You knew the moment you met him, it wouldn’t last — you weren’t meant to be his.

It’s too bad he didn’t see it.

Or maybe he did, but he chose not to stare into the eyes of a tragic reality. Instead, he brought you coffee in bed, pushed your hair behind your ear, ran his fingertips down your spine and pulled you into him.

You didn’t stop him.

He was a love story that didn’t need to be written. Leaving him then would have spared your hearts from falling deeper, growing closer, losing harder.

But you’re in too deep now.

He has memorized every inch of you, built you a sunroom where he will wake to find you sitting in front of a half-finished canvas — hair messy from the night before, cigarette in one hand, paintbrush in the other. He named the three children you will have together, planned how he will fly-in your favorite sunflowers from Guatemala to surprise you when you get that big promotion, and what song you will dance to on your 25th wedding anniversary.

He is completely in love with you. And it’s your fault.

You let him fall for you, the whole time knowing he would never have you.

You thought, maybe, your feelings would change with time. Maybe, you would magically fall in love with him, too. But, you always knew you wouldn’t.

Now, you question everything.

You think, maybe you do love him….or maybe you could…maybe with some more time? Stop it. You know you will never love him. Every moment you let him hang on to you — grasping at the knowledge that he may lose you at any second, trying desperately to hang on to your whispers, memorizing every glance, cherishing every moment you have together —  you are pulling him in closer, making it that much harder for him to lose you.

He is falling deeper in love with you.

And you sit there, letting him.

You say nothing, but mumble an agreement as his throbbing heart spills onto your chest promising that he will love you forever, fight for you until the world fades away, make all of your dreams come true.

He doesn’t even ask for you to love him in return.

And you never will.

Maybe, deep down he knows. But, he thinks you’re worth fighting for.

When you finally leave, it will ruin him. You did this.

You should have left him.