You’ve been seeing this guy for a while, and your relationship has plateaued. He isn’t willing to commit and you think if you give it time, energy, effort and attack the issues from enough angles, you will figure out a solution. You hate yourself for it.
Deep down you know you deserve better, but you can’t quit and you’re not sure why.
Here’s the point you have to get to. Feelings are just that – they are feelings. Feelings are NOT truth. Truth is truth.
Your body tells you that you need this person.
You are attracted to them. You want them, and the thought of being without them is overwhelming. Your brain tells you that you must have misunderstood, that you can change the eventual outcome of where your relationship is headed… but you can’t.
Think of the brain like the rabbit hole in Alice and Wonderland. You peer over the edge, allowing yourself to entertain a quick thought: “Well… maybe if I had given him more time he would have made me a priority.” Just like that, you are allowing your feelings to rule your decisions, your thoughts, and your happiness. Counter that thought with a fact: “If someone wants you in their life, they will make you sure you are… happily.”
It’s been a few days since you’ve spoke. You ended it, he let’s you.
A text scrolls up in your phone that makes you feel sad. It’s something simple, nothing measurable and nothing that carries any weight. He hopes you will talk to him again – that things will go back to the way they were, where you felt undervalued and unappreciated. You shove the resentment, hurt, and frustration down, because it’s better than how you feel without him (or so your feelings tell you) and you go back.
Allow yourself to be exposed to your truth. Remind yourself of what you know. Allow the facts to become more important than the feelings. Only then will you be able to break a cycle that becomes seemingly impossible to separate from. Remember, if someone loves you… they will be with you, no matter the circumstances, hardship, or uncertainty of the future.