1. You guys broke up yesterday? Hold on one sec, I have to text Gwen and tell her she owes me ten bucks.
2. YOU broke up with HIM? Damn, I owe Gwen ten bucks.
3. From what I could hear in my room, it sounded like the sex was pretty boring anyway. Don’t give me that look, the walls are thin!
4. God, I would be so devastated if my boyfriend dumped me like that. But I think we’re doing pretty great. Do you think we make a cute couple? You do, right?
5. So he finally found out you were cheating on him, huh? Guess he wasn’t as dumb as everyone thought.
6. He cheated on you? Do you think it’s because you refused to do anal?
7. You couldn’t have dumped her after Memorial Day!? Now we can’t use her uncle’s lake house! God, you’re so selfish.
8. Well, at least you got to experience dating someone better looking than you for a little while!
9. Cool, now I can finally sleep with her.
10. Shit, so she told you I slept with her?
11. Honey, I’m sure he didn’t break up with you because of your looks, he probably just hated your personality!
12. Guess this will teach you not to let yourself go just because you’re in a relationship. Wanna come with me to Pilates tomorrow?
13. I know you’re upset, but think how happy your mother will be!
14. I know you’re upset, but think how happy your other boyfriend will be!
15. On the bight side, now when you’re drunk at 11am on a Sunday, people will think it’s because of your break-up, not because you’re just trashy!
16. Do you think you’re going to be sad about this break-up for as long as you were about your last failed relationship?
17. I’m actually kind of excited you’re single again; I really missed all of your crazy one-night stand stories!
18. We should go out and get drinks, I want to tell you all about this new guy I’m dating!
19. Yes, break-ups really can be so hard! That reminds me – I should go call him and see how he’s doing!
20. Do you think your ex will unfollow me on Twitter too, because I literally just got to 100 followers yesterday…