The Love Of Your Life Isn’t Going To Be A Fulfillment Of Some Checklist — And That’s Okay

Tanja Heffner

Have you ever been so in love that you couldn’t even stop even though the time and wounds you have endured have already been telling you to do so?

Have you ever been so into someone that you couldn’t even admit yourself that you’re already pained deeply?

Have you ever created plans, lists and how-to’s about moving on but took them against yourself the next day?

Have you ever neglected the people around you because you believed they were wrong about love?

Have you ever been bruised and tormented by someone but you couldn’t care less because that person’s the only one who ironically heals and brings you comfort?

Have you ever been so attached to a person that you kept going back to how it was before even though the moments you had would only fill up a single blank page?

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep at night over that person when you knew for a fact that he would continue his life even without you?

Have you ever told yourself “I’m done” only to find yourself repeatedly doing all that is about him that had kept you broken for as long as you could remember?

Have you ever been in love, that it already gave a different definition of who you really are?

I have. And it’s okay.

Romantic predisposition is always subjective, and we would often initially see through how situations must be attended to should failure arise. It is not always how you deal with situations that changes up the game but more of how we understand the context of love.

We all fall in love in various degrees, in all forms possible, and at any given period – no why, no who, no where, no when, and no how. When we fall in love, right and wrong are plainly words. It is as if we know nothing about them. When we fall in love, our senses move as if they refuse to follow whatever our brain commands them to do. When we fall in love, everything we think about will never be planned. We don’t know who this one person will be that we are going to be crazy about. We don’t know how things will roll. We can never keep track of when and how the scenarios will happen and what is next to come. We are only left to dwell in the fact that uncertainty exists when all else seems so sure. We fall in love, just because.

When we fall in love, we thought we could give the whole universe to them until there’s nothing left for ourselves. When we fall in love, we accept them wholeheartedly no matter how dark and smudged of a person they are, even setting aside the fact that they are already getting in our skin for the most parts. When drastic times call for drastic measures, we would rather cry rivers and stab ourselves alive just for that person to stay in our snuggling arms. When we fall in love, the rules and regulations we make are all to no avail; the people around you only appear as characters in the story you created, and they can only portray accordingly in your plot. We tend to forget who we are, until we become the person we are not.

If all these things hit you ruthlessly now and you can reflect from all these, it’s okay. You are on the right track.

No matter how crazy this little thing called love might be, love is a teacher itself. A crazy teacher, I suppose. Love teaches us to give more than we deserve, and gives back things that are so much for us to ask because in retrospect, it is in love that we appreciate the most enormous joys in the simplest of things. Love teaches us to embrace indifferences, because it knows there is more than meets the eye. Love teaches us to bear all kinds of pain there are, so that we would know how to handle it the next time around. Only then will we be healed and soothed. Love makes us neglect our own crafted grounds because they are too feeble that it dictated us to solidify it further through creating new ones from our experiences to-be. Love teaches us to go all out on a war, because we figured out that something is worth fighting for, even if that something would only take up a paragraph to be said. Love teaches us to be a different someone, because that someone can only be the better version of us. Love teaches us to follow not our senses, but our hearts.

We are not perfect, and so is love. Because if love is, then there is no way we have to succumb to all the heartbreaks, sleepless nights, mournful daytimes, and sober reality again. But I will tell you this:

We might all come across pain and heartache again, and it’s okay.

We might all fall for the wrong person again, and it’s okay.

We might all neglect the people around us again, and it’s okay.

We might all ask ourselves in the wee hours as to why we have not yet gotten over our past again, and it’s okay.

We might all go foolish and repetitive again, and it’s okay.

We might all lose our identity again, and it’s okay.

Everything that we might experience and might downright severe and worsen us again, are all okay.

The probability of finding the perfect one will always be uncertain, and with that comes the greatest lesson love has ever taught us – to risk the idea of certainty for something that will never be sure. It is never a matter of the measures we can lay, what extent we can go, or how long we can sustain to push ourselves through; knowing who you truly are despite imperfection and uncertainty is what takes you to the “one” – whatever might be, whenever may be, whoever will be. We just have to have faith. Believe. And if you’ve come this far reading this write-up, congratulations! You are on and geared up towards committing mistakes, meeting mischances halfway, and giving your all again. Fearlessly. As love is a teacher, we are our own lessons. Until we become the teacher we have moulded ourselves into because of love.

To put things simply, love is us. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Writing has always been at par with life, as it is with love. Writing is never a hobby, nor a profession.

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