White people are always being told that we don’t understand our privilege. I understand it fine; I just don’t give a shit that it upsets you. After all, why should I care about your oppression? Life is hard enough for most people without volunteering to take on the problems of others to boot. I didn’t ask to be born with a greater chance at life than you, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you take that advantage away from me—and in case you’re wondering, no, I am not “trolling.” Not everybody who disagrees with you is looking to make your face turn purple with rage, and it’s arrogant to believe otherwise.
The world is a jungle, and so I’ll take any privilege I can get—better job opportunities? Great! Being able to say “hi” to cops without the fear of being subjected to a stop and frisk? Super! A complete lack of stereotypes regarding the size of my genitals? Awesome! I love my privilege. I love knowing that life will be that much easier for being a white-skinned male in the Western world, and if I had the option I’d take more and more privileges until I became elevated to the status of a king. I’m not a white supremacist, I’m an “I” supremacist. I’m not a men’s-rights activist, I’m a one-man society for the advancement of me. You can call me selfish if you want, because all that means is that you’ve been paying attention so far.
Regarding those earlier examples of white privilege, I could always point out that my racial group is generally better-educated and scores higher on IQ tests than, say, black people (I live in Britain) and that we don’t commit a disproportionately high amount of crimes like they do. Also, big dick/little dick racial stereotypes are thoroughly supported by empirical evidence (and no, I’m not providing a link, because you can Google cocks on your own time), and so at this point in the game my supposedly unearned privilege is starting to make sense. But I don’t need to justify feeling OK about having a better quality of life than you do. Collective shaming is a game of persuasion, and I am a hard man to persuade about anything.
So why am I writing this article? Because I am sick and tired of the contemptible assumption that I feel guilty about my privilege on one level or another and the popular belief that such feelings are obligatory for me to have. I laugh at the unsubstantiated claim that every white person is as privileged as another and the inherent failure to consider the myriad economic and social factors that contribute to a person’s position in life outside of race.
I know it might seem like the lady doth protest too much, but since the media is so saturated with this idiotic rhetoric, things can get a little claustrophobic, so my urge to tell you to shut up is both natural and appropriate—so shut up, Internet. Shut up, liberal broadcasters. Or at least change the tone of the conversation, because I’m not sick of hearing about race; I’d just like a place in the conversation as well, and I know that you don’t get these things simply by asking for them.
My privilege is mine, and I don’t make a habit of letting other people take my property. Just like you, I will struggle with adversities, I will grow old, I will lose everyone I love or be lost to them, and like all of us I will die alone. So tell me again why the fuck I should shoulder your hardships as well? Because that’s a requirement for me to be a “decent person”? Yeah, I’ll decide where and when I give to charity, thanks. Anything less is taxation.