Leave The ‘Dukes Of Hazzard’ Alone, You Heathens!

Flickr / Joe Ross
Flickr / Joe Ross

This morning I felt the need to be annoyed, so I checked into the old Facebook to see what everybody was whining and/or bragging about. Amongst the sea of rainbow colored profile pics (a lot of folks I thought were straight are apparently super gay – weird) and snapshots of everybody’s mutant babies was a post about how TVLand, a channel mostly watched by retirees and drooling vegetables, had pulled The Dukes Of Hazzard, a premier entry in my favorite television program trifecta (which also includes Renegade and Baywatch Nights), because they were scared of backlash from a bunch of PC shitheads.

Since the church shooting, the press has been trying to shift focus on how horrible the confederate flag is and should be done away with. People used to not really give that much of a shit about it, except for the usual busybodies that would complain about it being on Civil War memorials (because it’s not an actual part of history or anything). But now you would think it was the flag itself that shot those people, not some deranged idiot.

Instead of focusing on the real problem, like how this lunatic got a hold of a gun, everybody’s up in arms about a piece of cloth. So we have people getting physically attacked for flying the flag and viral videos of fame-hungry chicks breaking the law by climbing up flagpoles to take them down (Why didn’t she ever take that flag down before this fad movement started, one wonders).

If online retailers want to stop selling the flag, fine – it’s their business, they can sell what they want. If they want take it down from a capitol building, who cares, whatever. But leave The Dukes Of Hazzard alone. They’re just some good ‘ol boys, never meaning no harm. It’s a television show, a fictional, creative expression. Unless there was a “lost” episode I don’t know about where Bo and Luke attend a Klan rally at the Boars Nest before setting out on a cross-burning spree in Hazzard County, there was nothing remotely racist about that show. What’s next – are they going to blur out the flag in films about the Civil War because it offends a small segment of the population that’s given a soapbox by the press on a slow news day, most of whom aren’t even black? True, a lot of racist idiots wear the battle flag, but who cares? Fat chicks wear skimpy bathing suits in public, but I don’t think bikinis should be banned – why throw out the baby with the bath water? Just like Limp Bizkit and Creed, the confederate flag is part of our history, and if you try to erase history, it’s bound to repeat itself.

The PC Mafia wants everyone to be treated like a big goddamn whiny baby in this country. “You shouldn’t show or say that, people might be offended.” If you’re offended by a flag so much that it’s disrupting your daily life, I bet you get offended by a shitload of other stuff as well and love flapping your gums to tell everyone about it. Well, guess what – you should get the fuck over it and move on because this is what adults do. Political Correctness advocates censorship, which is un-American. We now live in a country where being overweight is applauded and staying in shape is considered “shaming,” and where a guy who “identifies” as a chick should be considered so even though he still packs a dong (double down, lop that shit off and THEN you can use the ladies room – congratulations man, you’ve earned it).

Somebody waving a flag doesn’t offend me, and it shouldn’t offend you either. Your being offended offends me – I’m also offended by stores not selling hard liquor 24/7, the alarming shortage of crack whores in my area, and the cancellation of ALF after four seasons, but I’ll get over it. People’s behavior should offend you, not a flag, and a ’69 Charger with a flag on it driven by two awesome yokels who are constantly meddling with Boss Hogg’s wacky schemes on a fictional television program from the 80s shouldn’t offend you either, and if it does, have a good cry, change your diaper and move on. TC mark

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