5 Types Of Job Quitters You’ll Find In The Workplace

Job quitting is very serious business. It is necessary to look suitably grave while handing in your resignation, even if you see your higher-ups’ eyeballs pop out in disbelief, faces creasing in perplexity, at your rash action. There are five types of quitters you may come across and possibly many more kinds:
Jerry Maguire
Jerry Maguire

1. Fiery Fred: He is all fire and brimstone, his plans to quit the job rumbling through the office for months before-hand, like an ominous storm building upon the horizon, promising to unleash its fury upon hapless heads. The final resignation comes with a lightning bolt, as Fred strides though the office like the Indominus Rex in Jurassic World, electrifying all co-workers through out the office with dramatic rumbles. Everyone who works within a 5-mile radius of the office comes to know that Fred Has Quit Today. Groups huddle for yards around the water-cooler discussing its ramifications, while Fred looks tantalizingly evasive, an enigmatic smile frolicking on his lips, when asked about his future plans.

2. Sighing Sarah: She totters through the office, each sigh of sadness lingering heavily in the air. Her forlorn face, her broken sentences, putting a weeping willow to shame, leave nobody in doubt of her dissatisfaction at work. Her complaints rise and fall in cadence with each day until they touch a crescendo of regret — culminating in her quit letter. 

3. Delaying Drummond: He absolutely hates the job, his work, his boss, his co-workers, the tube light tilting above his head, the creak of his chair and the color of his office-issue laptop. He quits his job each and every moment in his head, grumbling and complaining about this and that. He has quit a 100,000 times already over the past 5 years, dreamt and fantasized about it but he has never said “I Quit” aloud ever. And he plans to continue this way, as far as he can stretch it.

4. Worrisome Wanda: Like the persistent hum of a bee, her worrisome thoughts permeate the air around her cubicle. “Should I leave this job?”… “Will I get a better job or remain unemployed forever?…. “ Should I look before I leave or leave before I look?….and so on. Half framed thoughts scatter around like creases on parchment. But finally she takes a decision and decides to quit. Then she goes back on deciding to quit. But then she changes her decision and does quit after all.

5. Yuhoo-ing Yolanda: She loves the job, her work, her boss — or at least she says so, a wide smile and the word “yuhooo” ending every sentence. But out of the blue one day, she quits the job cheerfully and waltzes out. TC mark 

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