1. Beta boys are emotionally available.
Okay, before I get a barrage of arguments to the contrary, I’m not saying all Alpha men are bad boys. But the ones who are, are all bluff and no substance.
They’re great at faking an intense connection to hook you in. They say everything you want to hear and can sweep a girl off her feet.
But when it comes down to it, they talk the talk, but do they walk the walk? They promise you the world, but do they deliver on that? No. Even so, so many of us keep hoping and waiting for it to come.
You may not get the massive fireworks at the start with a Beta boy. You might even dismiss them, at first, as boring.
But it’s deceptive. It’s a slower build. Mine kept simply showing up and being there for me. There was time spent getting to know each other. It scared me.
I was used to intensity, followed by an argument that came out of nowhere, only for Bad Boy to disappear. Feeling hurt, I’d be wondering what I had done, waiting and hoping for the rush of when he loved me again.
I tried to push Beta Boy away. Revealing the real me to him scared me. What if I repulsed him and ran away? It tapped into my greatest fear.
I feared abandonment, so I guess was trying to end it, before he ditched me. Then one day he said to me: ‘You know I’m not going anywhere don’t you?’
Two words sum up Beta boys. Emotionally available.
They are there for you. Fireworks, with dramatic break ups and intense reunions are not love. They’re just a smoke screen. To avoid intimacy and true trust. The necessary ingredients for a healthy relationship.
2. You can be vulnerable with them and trust them.
Without trust you can never reveal your true self to another person. If I showed vulnerability to my ex, he’d use it later to shame me.
But if we can’t reveal vulnerability. If we can’t show who we really are. Then we cannot forge the deeper connection needed for a long-term relationship. It’s the definition of a healthy relationship to me now.
My beta husband knows me better than anyone else. He knows my flaws, all my weaknesses and fears. He has allowed me to be vulnerable, but has never used it as a weapon against me.
The more we’ve revealed about ourselves, the deeper the connection we forged.
Beta boys are not afraid of emotion, nor of their own emotional side.
3. They don’t feel threatened.
Beta boys are secure in themselves. They don’t feel threatened and have no need for jealousy. You don’t have to ask permission to spend time alone with your closest friends. Male or female.
Bad boys are the opposite. They isolate you. They want to control you. If another man even looks at you, you’re already having an affair. Forget about ever mentioning male friends or colleagues. They even get jealous of your girlfriends! Girls’ nights out will not be worth it, for the interrogation you’ll get the next day.
4. Quiet confidence is so much sexier than arrogance hiding insecurity.
Don’t be fooled into thinking Beta boys are boring. Yes, at first they might seem like the quiet puppy in the corner at the pound. Not the lively one jumping up and down, licking your face, yapping ‘pick me, pick me!’ If I ever get a dog now, I know which one I’d go for. The one in the corner, hands down. Not the troublemaker.
If you can pardon the expression, Beta boys are ‘grow-ers, not show-ers’.
My husband’s confidence might be of the quieter kind. But it’s underpinned by a strength I’d never seen in man before.
Beta boys don’t need to blast it out with a megaphone, as they’re sure of themselves. But when you need them, you’ll see what I mean.
They’re emotionally available, so they don’t run at the first sign you need to lean on them. They can be strong for you when you need then to be. They will lift you up and support you. Exactly when you need it the most, the time a bad boy would run a mile.
This is a man far sexier, trust me, than the one who always abandons you.
5. They’re nice to you, they respect you.
They have a high sense of self worth and they treat you as worthy. They don’t put you on a pedestal, only to knock it down.
They’ll tell you you’re beautiful, even when you have a shower cap on. They don’t need to fear you having a strong sense of self worth and leaving them.
They celebrate your successes, without feeling threatened.
They’re proud of your achievements and encourage you to do what you love most.
If another person compliments you, they’ll agree! Aren’t they the lucky ones to have you?
6. They don’t need to control.
Beta boys don’t need a power struggle. Or to be in control. One minute they can be strong for you, the next you can be for them. That’s okay. They don’t fear showing their weaker side.
If fact, if you try to control them, rescue them or change them, they’re more likely to walk away.
They allow you to be yourself. They love you unconditionally and expect to you to offer the same.
7. They make incredible fathers.
If you want a great role model for a young boy, the Beta boys win by a mile.
My husband is step-father to my first born with my ex. We then went on to have a second son. He has taught both boys to grow into the kind of men I hoped they’d become.
But he did nothing other than being himself. That quiet confidence goes a long way.
Our boys have seen his strength, but learned it’s okay for a man to cry. They’ve seen him work hard to provide and support us. But celebrating my career as a working woman as well.
They’ve heard him speak to me with respect at all times. Even tell me I look beautiful, still after decades of marriage.
My boys do him proud now. They’re adults who reflect the best of him.
They treat all others as equal. They champion women’s rights and respect their partners.
They’re men who don’t run when the going gets tough, but are unafraid to show their vulnerable side.
They admit their mistakes, accept when they’re wrong. They learn from them.
One son is more Alpha than the other.
But, in a good way.
So, if you’re looking for love that lasts and doesn’t hurt, take it from me and give the bad boys a miss.
Get over the Alphas and their dramatic peacock displays and pyrotechnics. Grab yourself a Beta boy and give him a chance to show you what he’s got.
Whilst the Alpha gets lost in the fog of the fireworks and disappears, Beta will be the one to stick around. He’ll be the only man you’ll ever need.
I promise you, Beta is the new Alpha when it comes to men.