16 Things I’ve Learned In 2014
By Viva Bianca
1. When you have a baby you’re absolutely and wholly consumed by it. (Note: I have not yet had a baby but both my brother and cousin recently have and its safe to say that neither of them will ever again go skinny dipping at St Kilda Beach with a cigarette in one hand and a bottle of Smirnoff in the other.)
2. For the first few days after you’ve had a Brazillian wax you should wear cotton underwear (rather than lace or polyester) to avoid in-growns, or worse still, abscesses.
3. Love at first sight really does exist.
4. The darkest hour is just before the dawn. (Intellectually I always sort of knew this one, but this year the universe more or less thrust it into action in my life in the most immediate and incredible way, and for that I will forever be grateful.)
5. More people on this planet don’t get that bootcut jeans are uncool than the other way around.
6. Barbie’s disfigured. It’s fine to play with her just as long as you keep that in mind. (Lena Dunham’s words).
7. The world is in dire need to re-embrace “the bush.”
8. Some penises are acutely kinder than others.
9. Glasses don’t need to be really expensive. It’s just that the really great ones are.
10. As much as you think your parents talk about your siblings or relatives, they talk about you. Apparently more, in fact.
11. When you can’t sleep and no longer feel connected to your purpose on this planet, Eckhart Tolle YouTube teachings are a must.
12. Instinct really is our only compass.
13. Since my feet are shaped differently to the moulds of most shoes, I pretty well need to be prepared for a period of blisters and general discomfort with the acquisition of any new pair.
14. When you’re over 30, bruises are no longer deemed cute and clumsy. They’re unladylike and ugly.
15. Memory foam is a revolutionary invention in the mattress/sleep industry. The fact that I feel alien sleeping on it does not make me an alien.
16. When you’re on the pill, push-up bras are really quite unnecessary.