1. Tell her you love her every day.
You get extra brownie points if “I love you” is the first thing she hears that morning.
2. Buy her flowers at least once every 2 weeks.
(Once a week would be rad, but hey, not everyone’s a Don Juan.) We really get off on scents, petals, and prettiness, and it’s a nice way for you to reveal your sensitive side.
3. Get her water before bed.
This is not optional and must be done always. Even if you refilled her glass 10 minutes earlier, it’s crucial that her glass is full before lights go out.
4. And at bedtime make sure you have a pair of your large woolly socks on hand (we love wearing men’s flannel PJ’s too!).
5. If that doesn’t work, be ready and willing to have her bury her feet in-between your upper thighs (yep, no rest for the wicked!).
It’s one of those strange phenomena where a girl can be so incredibly cold in bed, while in the same one meter radius her fella can be laying mostly out of the covers wearing nothing but boxer shorts. (The icicle feet on your balls is not a headliner, I know, but remember – her needs are more important.)
6. Never refer to another girl as “hot”.
It’s just inappropriate. Hot implies fuckable. And regardless of whether your girl is the jealous type (or whether she admits to being so – yes we’re highly complex creatures), trust me – no woman, I repeat NO WOMAN wants to hear her man talk about another woman’s sex appeal.
7. Always be nurturing and cuddly when she’s sooky.
It’s time “sooky” was brought to the US. Sooky is an Aussie term for pouty, needy, sensitive, baby-like. And it perfectly describes a common state of human experience. “I feel SOOKY!!!” (My mom use to call me “Sookysooky-Lala”.) Chics really need you to turn it on during these patches.
8. Listen to the information she gives you about her best friends and family.
This will pay off later; there’ll come a time when you can pull out the old “Wasn’t your uncle Bob married to Cindy before he came out?” OR “Yes I remember! That was when you made out with your best friend Victoria in the 6th grade!” We love to think you actually care about all these people and events.
9. Send her sweet emoji throughout the day via text.
It’s not that we need them we just really like cute things. And boys associated with cute things are an A+.
10. Take her dancing from time to time.
I can’t stress this one enough. It might sound lame or passe or just awkward but trust me, it gives your lady a chance to feel spunky and sexy and we all know where that leads…
11. Bring home pizza and ice cream and pink soda on day 1 of her period.
Periods can really suck. We all vary in our ability to cope during this time, but as a rule this much is true: The week leading up to the period (PMS) can often alter the woman’s emotional landscape (in some cases A LOT) and send all kinds of things awry. Sookyness is at an all-time high and the risk of fights and irrational behaviour is more than real. Period pain can suck balls also. I once had a friend describe her pain as “giving birth to a brick”. And then there’s the hunger. You just have to go along with the binge eating, knowing full well that this too will pass. So I repeat: PIZZA, ICE CREAM, PINK SODA.
12. Never reveal a preference either way on the grooming choice of her pubes (or lack thereof).
If you really like this bird, or better still, love her, then who gives a shit? And regardless of what you may prefer down there, it’s ultimately her choice. A little tip: it’s bizarrely attractive when a guy is so crazy about all that his woman encompasses, including the natural being that she is, that he could care less whether she was wearing a G-string or a nanna nightie. I personally think that this is not something you have to work at, it comes effortlessly when you are truly in love.
13. Surprise her at least once with a handwritten letter, a poem, or if you’ve got the chops, a song!
Everything is so digitalised and web-o-fied these days that the physical gesture of putting pen to paper or fingers to guitar-strings in the name of love is now an act of love-making in itself. And I fall deeper in love with a man when I see his hand writing. It’s like peering through a little window into his childhood or down a corridor to his dreams. Old-school romance will never be dated – it’s whispers leave is all secretly twinkly inside.