Let me guess… you grew up listening to 90s RnB, your favorite movies include P.S. I Love You, The Notebook, and The Vow. You occasionally read romance novels and you believe in “soulmates.”
Well, I’m here to tell you that you have been fed lies your entire life and that love is quite the opposite from the fairy tale you imagine it to be. Now, I’m not a cynic or bitter at all. I’m what I like to call “a realist.”
You see, I am in a healthy and happy long-term relationship, but part of being happy is understanding that love isn’t easy. It’s not all hearts and flowers, it’s a very difficult thing, it’s an uphill battle, and above all this it’s a choice.
It’s a choice, because it’s a conscious decision and not a feeling. If love is a feeling, I promise you it will fade. Humans by our very nature are fickle. We change our minds about who we are, what our dreams are, what we are passionate about and what attracts us. We need to change. Change is inevitable. How can we progress at all if we don’t grow and change thus if you base love on feelings you leave yourself vulnerable to those feelings changing too.
Love based on choice is a much stronger love. It’s deciding on days that you struggle to like the person to love them regardless, because you will have those days. It’s choosing to stay committed when there are more tough days than easy ones, it’s seeing the worst in a person and defying the impulse to jump ship. It’s saying that I will choose you regardless of your flaws.
Love by choice is saying: when the emotions fade, the chemistry runs dry and you lose your good looks. When kids and work take up more time than the time I have to give you. When life gets tough and bitter. When it’s easier not to love you. I will STILL wake up in the morning and choose to love you because I choose to spend my life with you and I choose to commit to you.