You probably think this is a story about how great it is to fall in love with someone who treats you right or how you appreciate a good guy so much more after being in bad relationships, but you would be wrong.
Saying I have had “bad relationships” would be an understatement. I have been in toxic relationships. The relationships that are going so wrong you question why you got in them in the first place, those relationships that make you forget your worth and feel alone no matter how many people are around you.
I was fortunate enough to eventually manage to detach myself from giving in to toxic people, but the problem with starting afresh is you can never undo psychological scaring that has been left behind.
So what happens when you meet the person whose right for you? The person who builds into your life and treats you better then you ever could have imagined. What happens is that you end up not knowing or understanding how to react to them.
1. You believe that the only person you can trust is yourself. You never truly let him in, in fact even though his given you no reason not to trust him you automatically feel you can’t and then start looking for reasons to justify your lack of trust in him.
2. You look for flaws. Absolutely any flaws you can find and even sometimes clutch at straws. You are so used to their being major flaws that you feel out of your comfort zone with there being none.
3. You have big reactions to small misunderstandings. You are so used to fights being huge and out of control that your reactions to tiny arguments are generally way out of proportion.
4. You hold back from being emotionally vulnerable. You do this out of fear of opening up to the wrong person AGAIN.
5. You rub your independence in their face. Now don’t get me wrong it’s great to flaunt your independence but rubbing it in is more of an “I don’t need you or anyone else” attitude.
It’s strenuous and testing to be in a wholesome relationship when all you know is toxic ones. Its grueling trying to unlearn all the bad habits you’ve picked up along the way, but it’s sure as hell worth it to find someone who kisses all your wounds and loves you in spite of them.