1. Out of sight is out of mind.
All the major activities and interactions in a fling situation involve meeting up in person. If you think that it’s okay that you didn’t meet up for ages because you stayed in touch via text and calls, don’t be surprised when the other person does not want to see you anymore. Nobody waits around for anything. You don’t show up for two weeks, you hit your expiry date.
2. No free legal/financial/medical/professional advice.
Wow! So you started a casual affair with a professional financial advisor, a doctor, a lawyer, a shrink, a business consultant — basically any person with an IQ significantly higher than yours and now you want advice and to talk about your problems? The moment you knock on that ‘I want to talk about problems and you need to listen and give me advice’ door, you are knocking on the door to the first phase of dating. You can’t flash the casual card in situations when the other person calls you up to discuss their problems with you. The world runs on give and take.
3. You forget to view the other person as anything other than something to serve your needs.
You cannot just assume that you are the center of the universe and you deserve the best treatment while the other person needs to act like a robot and cater to your human side too. Either expect a two-way non-human deal or a two-way human deal, you cannot offer casual and expect to be treated like you are in a relationship.
4. The announcer.
There is nothing more frustrating than someone who constantly keeps on announcing that “I am not your girlfriend/boyfriend.” You said it once — okay, I get it! You do not have to constantly keep on saying it over and over again to convince your confused mind. If you feel the need to remind the other person that they want a relationship and you can’t give that to them,may I ask what brilliant and logical algorithm you used to deduce those words of wisdom? If they’ve never begun the ‘So where is this going’ conversation, chances are good the other person is going to grow tired of your constant push against being with them at all.
5. The difference between emotionally damaged and emotionally unavailable.
There are people in this world who have serious issues or emotional damage which renders them emotionally unavailable. Then there are people who had one little hiccup of a breakup which makes them self proclaimed ‘emotionally unavailable.’ The problem arises when the first person meets the second and thinks: ‘Oh, great, there will be no drama with this one. We can be casual and we can be friends and this person will never bring drama and games into my life.’ The wannabe emotionally unavailable individual who is full of greed for reaping the benefits of both a relationship and a fling will just end up leaving the actual emotionally damaged person with a whole new level of hurt.
6. Wanting a relationship, but settling for the casual tag.
This is the person who takes all the details and ins and outs of a relationship — to be understanding, to listen to problems, being okay with not meeting up for ages, and all sorts of problems of monogamy — and twist it in a manner to describe a fling. “You are shallow and mean, and this thing between us means you need to understand all the problems with my job and my mom.” You don’t do your basic duties and you are as good as useless in a fling situation, simple as that!
7. Don’t extend the friendship leaf if you cannot separate the two.
If you are mature enough to actually try to put the “friends” in ‘friends with benefits’ (rather than just the benefits), go ahead, but if you are going to confuse going to sports bars or grabbing a quick bite together with a date? God help you. If you have an understanding that this is casual, then just chill and go with the flow and stop freaking out with every sign that might point to a relationship.
8. You can’t expect both sexes to just WANT things to be casual.
Casual does not mean expecting a woman to act like a man, an expert on human psychology, or the personification of serenity. She is still a girl. Not being your girlfriend does not mean that she will suddenly transform into a serene, calm and understanding creature that never has emotions. She will not cheat on her sisters and hand you the guide to interpreting our behavior just because you gave us the honor of not being your girlfriend.
9. Disrespect is not an option, no matter what the tag says.
Respect is not reserved for someone who holds out on you until you clearly define whatever it is you have going on. If someone decides to sleep with you, you respect them. They don’t have to give you their time, so make sure you’re not wasting theirs.