Everyone deals with breakups differently, and there are plenty of people who would preach about how to deal with them in a “healthy” manner. Screw them! If your life is falling apart and you are still caged up with what people might think or what someone else thinks is healthy for you, you are simply going to be miserable and you might end up with repressed feelings that you were so afraid to let out. In the worst-case scenario, you might just run right into another relationship with a whole bunch of dependency issues thinking that “love fixes everything.” Love might fix things but sad attempts at love just to run away from loneliness will only land you in that circle of going through the same relationship and same breakup with different people. So go a little crazy and misbehave a little until you are ready to get back on track and be sane again.
1. DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA!
A lot of people will tell you time and again that your breakups must be clean and mature and that “talking” is some mature magical thing that will guarantee a smooth transition to singlehood. Wow! Do unicorns and fairies exist too? Start talking like adults and you will end up circling the same talk over and over again and all that drama and repressed frustration will go straight to the whiny talks with your friends. If you have to let it out, let it out on the person you are breaking up with! Shout, say the meanest things that you had been keeping in for ages, be as immature as possible and burn that relationship bridge so badly that you never look behind and even think about texting your ex. You are anyways going to secretly hate them your entire life, why pretend to be nice and understanding?
2. Cry your eyes out.
I believe that there is a certain amount of liquid that has to flow out of your eyes before you decide to brace yourself and move on. Either you do it at one go or you keep whining for months or years in bits and pieces. Now, before you decide to call your friends to talk about your feelings take a night or two to gulp down wine, listen to sad songs and cry your eyes out. Be as dramatic as possible, write diary entries, talk to yourself if you want — psychologists have proven that it is totally normal to talk to yourself, nothing crazy about it — and do whatever you want but flush out those emotions along with your fair share of tears before you opt for human interaction.
3. Hibernation mode.
They say it is unhealthy to shut yourself out when you are emotionally vulnerable but sometimes you just need that one week when you use your sick leave or work from home in your pajamas, put up a do not disturb on your door and stick to the comfort of your bed. Find an obsession to shift the focus of your love drunk serotonin levels from obsessing over your ex to something else. Download all 10 seasons of some amazing TV show and order takeout for all your meals. Let your mind get sucked into something else while you figure out a plan completely on your own as to what your post-breakup plan of action would be for life in general. Do this before people come up with their advices.
Once you’ve suffered and lived in isolation long enough, it is time to breakout the tequila shots and wreak havoc across town. Sure, you can get drunk and talk about your feelings to your girlfriends or some random stranger sitting by the bar who wants nothing else but to be left alone, but at least you’re not sitting at home and whining over the phone while eating ice-cream and playing with cats for months. Make sure that you leave that phone in a safe at home and when you’re not talking, drinking, dancing, and be mischievous as hell. You may not be proud of this night especially when the hangover kicks in and everyone starts with the embarrassing stories but this night is what Batman is to Gotham City: a dark night.
5. Rebound city, population: you.
There will always be someone (or plural, maybe) desperately waiting for your breakup to happen. They will be total sweethearts, they will understand, they will offer you a shoulder to cry on and apparently they will become your best friends exactly starting the day your relationship ended. Don’t be an idiot! You know why they are there and how periodic their presence will be in your life! But you need a rebound. I know it’s morally wrong and all that but you will subconsciously choose a rebound anyway. So enjoy the ride until it lasts, whine about your failed relationship with your rebound as much as you want because that’s the most serious this relationship will ever get — just be sure to end it quickly before both of you get sucked in too deep.
6. Burn that bridge.
I don’t know who started the concept of exes being friends and there might be people might be great friends with their exes but those people are the exception, not the rule. You can never have the same kind of healthy friendship with an ex that you can have with a normal platonic friend with whom you have never bumped uglies. You can have plenty of friends then why try so hard to remain friends with exes, it is generally just a way of holding on in a hope of things getting nice and peachy one day. You can be friends some fine day but right now you need to burn down that bridge to the ground and cut off all communication until you are really and truly prepared to reconstruct a something in the friend zone with the person.
7. Be brutally honest with yourself.
Stop listening to the lame excuses that maybe your ex acted this way because of *something totally illogical* or maybe you two could get back together if you do *something so embarrassing that you would want to kill yourself for taking that advice*. Every time you feel mesmerized by the past that is long gone or feel like they were the one or something stupid on the same lines, just be brutally honest with yourself not only for the things your ex actually did but also for the stupid mistakes that you keep on making. Whatever that is going on in your head, just think how much you would cringe if you heard someone else say those things. Take deep breaths and get back to reality.