Women have been accused time and again for pushing the nice guys into the “friend zone” while they succumb to the charm of the alleged jerks. The “Nice Guys” are assumed to be their support system when the jerks hurt them and time and again they would tell them that they wish they had a boyfriend like them.
Contrary to popular myths, guys and girls can be friends, platonically at all levels with no attraction whatsoever — just like people of the same gender. Yes it is possible and it is healthy to have friends of the opposite gender. Men are not the victims, sometimes they seriously look at their friends as just friends. And attractive people can feel this way, too!
But there are still people — Nice Guys, I’m looking at you — who just look at friendship as a placeholder for either a full-blown relationship, or a friends-with-benefits situation at the least. There are some primary reasons why a guy would fall deep into the Friend Zone in this case:
A. Harsh reality: The girl never really felt attracted to you and will possibly never change her mind about that in the future. It’s not just about looks; sometimes people just do not click that way and going against that gut feeling almost always results in epic disasters.
B. She is committed to someone else: There are chances that she might find you attractive but she is probably in a relationship and respects it enough to stay faithful. Sabotaging her relationship will not guarantee a happily ever after for you both.
C. You are not really even her friend: Women are taught from a very young age to be nice to people, and maybe telling you that she looks at you just like a friend might be just a gentle way of letting you down easy. Maybe you are not even as good a friend — after all, wouldn’t a truly friend genuinely want nothing more than just friendship alone.
Stepping out of the Friend Zone is not such a big deal. If you’re not the creepy guy lurking around to help her out or a pseudo stalker, chances are that maybe — just maybe — there is a bit of attraction on both sides and that some day when both of you are single at the same time, you might just decide to kick things up a notch. This is when you realize that this whole nice guys in Friend Zone thing is a total scam. Why?
1. Hormonal Equation: If there was never any attraction whatsoever and the girl decided to give it a shot just because you are the nicest guy she has ever met, chances are that your bodies will completely repulse because your hormones are neck deep in the Friend Zone. I have seen people do this time and again, only to end in disastrous situations. The breakups are not easy, things stretch more than they should and the friendship is destroyed beyond repair.
2. Nice to not-so-nice transition: If there was a spark once when you two met but the Friend Zone was situational, chances are that you two will have the best comfort level but nothing will remain the same. For men, the “Taking you for granted” starts at this point just like every other relationship where most romantic gestures were limited to the pre-commitment era.
3. Bitching Paradox: The thing about friends is that they will always be there for you when you have relationship issues or otherwise, but you cannot go talk to the same person about the relationship issues when they are the ones you are in a relationship with. Also all that talk about “That guy is such a jerk for doing this to you!” is generally just an attempt to get into your pants, do not believe for a second that if you two get together, the same issues or situations will not pop up! Your “friend” might just end up doing things that he so eloquently judged your exes for.
4. Time boundaries: Just because they were there for you every time you needed them, even when you just wanted to talk at 3:00AM doesn’t mean they will not roll over and skip the pillow talk. The same guy who once used to hang out with you until 3:00 to just talk might just start checking out his watch around 1:00 as he starts with his speech about how he needs to get up early or reach home at time, now that your relationship is not purely platonic.
5. Space boundaries: Sure, you were once like a bro to him and he didn’t mind inviting you for guy’s night outs and even bachelor parties. You might have even been his wing woman or the one he called up when his lady flipped out on him but now that you’re his lady, well, good luck with looking crazy and needy when you ask him if you could tag along too.
6. Insecurity: When you were friends, you would not talk for days and when you would, it would feel like no time has passed but now, well now brace yourself for the tab keeping, the insecurity about your social life and petty fights for not replying back or returning calls at times.
7. Dating: You can debate and discuss about everything under the sky until sunrise and later head for breakfast with your friend. The two of you could hang out to grab a drink or catch a movie at times but when you start dating and if you’re keeping it casual somehow all these activities get classified under the category of dates and you wonder why these things are defining if you are getting serious or not, you used to do them all the time.
8. The not so quality time spent together: Now that the rituals of relationships overpower all other human interaction, hanging out at home to just watch a movie is totally never going to happen.
9. Priority shift: There was a time when you would text them once in a while if they wanted to hang out and you would know that they dropped everything at the moment just to meet you — but now that you meet up on a regular basis, be prepared for the list of silly things that will become a priority all of a sudden. And the worst part is, with a normal person you have the right expectations from the beginning but with a former friend it’ll leave you speechless.
10. The final step to Jerksville: The only thing that is different between normal relationships and dating your friend is that, with your friend you established the comfort level of old married couples before your first date. But in time, things will not be as nice and peachy just like it happens with normal couples who romance their way to that comfort level. Friends are great because they are friends and just because someone is a nice friend doesn’t mean that person will be a nice boyfriend too. The biggest disappointment in life would be to find out that someone who was once an amazing friend turned out to be the biggest jerk or loser that you have ever dated. The friendship is gone and so is your faith in love. So keep your friends where they are, in the Friend Zone!