I just wanted to let you know that you lost it.
B i g t i m e.
You lost somebody that had the biggest heart. A heart big enough to accept all your short comings.
She knew the drill. She was quite aware of what she was getting herself into. She knew that it was all fun and games.
You were like a breath of fresh air. There may have been a few mismatches here and there, but you struck her like lightning on a cold stormy night. There was something about you, so she says. Your eyes, that smile, and your eerie ways. It was peculiar because of the fact that you were nothing she wanted yet here you are now.
I could sense that she was slowly falling for your antics. Laughing at your every joke, enjoying the little time you gave her, and indulging in all the odd things you wanted to pursue. Indeed, it was your spontaneity that got her hooked. The random conversations and unplanned dates were like the icing on the cake.
Right there and then, I knew she was screwed. And eventually, you would screw her over. Unknowingly, you were sending her mixed signals. The funny thing was, it wasn’t puzzling for you at all. It was sort of your way of life. Apparently, confusing people is what you do on a daily basis.
I tried to warn her. I tried to tell her that you were bad for her, but she did not listen. She re-assured me that she knew what she was doing. She told me that she wouldn’t ever dare go past that point.
At the back of my mind, I knew she wasn’t ready for the game. She was simply too vulnerable to even think about playing it. But did she listen to me? No, sadly she did not.
Instead, she bared with thinking that there was the tiniest possibility that you would turn out to be the man she was thinking you were in her head. She was blinded by the idea of you and her getting along. She was trying to block out the reality of the situation.
That is, if you wanted to grow up, you would have done it a long time ago.
But for the longest time, she was stuck sticking up for you to herself. You were lucky to be given the benefit of the doubt every single time. And what’s funny is that you weren’t even aware that she was on your side all along. She would try to convince herself that there was some good left in you whenever she would doubt your intentions. She would use every excuse in the book just so she wouldn’t have to deal with what was really going on. But you just couldn’t see that, could you? You were so pre-occupied that you forgot to check on things other than yourself.
Despite of part of her wanting what was happening, I think deep down you were aware that falling was inevitable. And if you weren’t, then you should have been because you were dealing with a genuine human being. You cannot just unleash your wicked way on somebody that does not deserve it.
Decoding you was mind boggling for her. She would tell me that she felt as if she was in the middle of a seesaw, trying not to tip off to either side. She knew that if she did, she would end up having to pick herself up because she knew you weren’t going to be there if ever she falls.
Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into God knows how long.. But still, no concrete sign. She was dangling on the edge of a cliff of doubt. The questions in her head were countless. And there was no one who could answer them except for you. As these queries in her head started piling up, I told her that there was only one way to find inner peace. And that was to settle everything once and for all.
She responded to me by saying that she did not want to ruin what was going on by asking all her stupid questions. But her questions were not stupid at all. In fact, the answer to those questions is what holds the single string of dignity she has left. I told her that sometimes she needed to put herself first, no matter how selfless she wanted to be.
At that moment, I told her that she had to get out. FAST.
You weren’t ready. Not just for her, but for anybody to not be temporary in your life. And she definitely wasn’t going to be the dumb girl who settled for being just an option. She knew that she had enough self-respect to see that clearly. She deserved much more than that.
I couldn’t let her sail oceans for somebody that wouldn’t even cross puddles for her.
And as for you little boy, learn to pick the girls you mess around with. Some of them aren’t willing to play as much as others. I mean, I knew you weren’t trying to hurt her intentionally, but she was this close to being corrupted by your silly games. I know that it was all fun and games for you, but you have to keep in mind that being intimate and making people feel relevant can be hazardous at times.
She wasn’t some puppet that you could twirl around your finger tips. You can’t keep and throw her away whenever you pleased. If she was just some toy you thought you could play with, did you ever think that she may possibly be a gem to somebody else? And that “unintentionally”, you were stopping her from getting what she actually deserves -a man with substance and guts to own up to his actions.
She was a human being. A human being capable of developing genuine feelings. And just because you aren’t, doesn’t mean you should drag her into a situation where you might turn her into the heartless monster you’re slowly becoming. I’m just thankful that she got out before your poison set in and destroyed her beautiful soul completely.