Letters To Female Inmates: Michelle Johnson #WA8393

This is 100% real. Each morning, I compose a letter to an inmate in
prison in Microsoft Word, print it, sign it, and mail it out with my
return address. The letters are part niceties, part macabre humor. I
only send female inmates notes, because A) they’re hot chicks and B)
they less likely to kill me when they get out. It’s been fun thus far
and I’m really looking forward to inmates’ responses. Here’s my first
letter.

TO: Michelle Johnson #WA8393
CCWF, 511-13-03 Low
PO Box 1508
Chowchilla, CA. 93610-1508

Hi Michelle,

How are things? I’ve never written a letter to an inmate before and thought it’d be fun to try out.

I noticed your hobbies include a lot of things that are, to the best of my knowledge, unavailable in prison. This includes BBQ’s, shopping and “a good book.” What was the last book you read? I’m curious what kind of literature you’d normally read. I actually came out with a book in the fall of 2011 called ::omitted::. It’s about finance.

Your shopping experience must consist of things readily available in prison. What kind of things can you buy? Is it on credit? Cash? Some kind of prison funny money? I’m curious to know. I’ve never been to prison – are the other inmates nice? I noticed you’re quite tall for a woman – 5’11”. I’m 6’1” so if you were wearing heels – which I assume aren’t allowed in prison – we’d be, like, the same height. Did you ever model?

I must say, I do enjoy living and laughing. I’m quite the humorist. What kind of jokes do you like to hear? Do you like to tell jokes? Here’s one you might like:

“What made the broken pencil story so boring? It didn’t have a point!”

Hilarious, right? I hope you agree.

Anyway, I’ve got to get back to work now. I work in publishing and finance. I thought this would be fun. Hopefully you write back. Take care!

Best,
V TC mark

Related

More From Thought Catalog