Killing A Morning At Work Properly

For the most part, people are usually in their office by 9:00am sharp. Because I wake up at the ass crack of dawn and have time to read two newspapers, drink three cups of coffee, eat a thing of yogurt and a whole other routine of shit, I tend to arrive somewhat early – let’s call it 8:30am.

I usually don’t pick up the phone until 10:00am to make calls seeing as how I work mainly with people in New York, Toronto and Chicago. So that begs the question: what the hell do you do for 90 minutes?

As I previously stated, I already read two newspapers, so reading the New York Times or the Wall Street Journal is out of the question. I am forced to get creative.

First, I will go down to the shitty Blimpie sandwich store built into my office building. I get a large black iced coffee and a banana for $2.75 – an incredible deal. It’s not Starbucks, but there’s never a line and the Indian chick behind the counter knows exactly what I want every fucking morning. This kills five minutes before I’m forced to head back to my desk.

Since I don’t smoke cigarettes anymore (they’re just, like, so passé), I’m now at the mercy of the Internet. Facebook comes into play for 90 seconds, followed by several minutes spent on the following news websites:,,, and

With about 20 minutes killed thus far, I move into the danger zone: I can spend hours on this retarded site looking at comics and reading Wikipedia entries about poisonous plants. This is where I will spend the next 30 minutes intermittently.

When I need a break from the Internet, I will go and harass my co-worker for a few minutes. If he wants to get coffee, I go with him, back down to the Blimpie, in an effort to kill more time.

Did I mention I’m writing a book? Cool, right? This one is fiction. I will write a chapter or two sometimes, spending about 20 minutes doing so. A bestseller for sure.

The morning draw is coming to a close and I spent the next 10 minutes or so on my iPad, playing Scrabble or Uno in the conference room, pretending I’m making an important phone call to Brazil. 10:00am comes, my day starts and I get on with my work.


Oh, and if my boss is reading this, this is totally fiction. It’s only 8:58am. Fuck. TC mark

image – Dougward


More From Thought Catalog

  • tmann

    black iced coffee and drudge report – respect

  • Bhavesh Dodia

    Well not most of us reach on time like you do and this blog doesnt at all motivate me to be up early! Too much of time killing!

  • Casey Jones

    The interlinking of TC articles present in this piece is really fun.

  • Callan

    this is actually like 75% more productive than anything I do while I kill time. Props.

  • Rachel Butters Scotch

    Not looking forward to having a grown up person job. :(

  • tut

    that's not killing a morning, that's killing 90 minutes, amateur.

  • Stefanie J

    The indian chick?

  • christopher lynsey


  • Je Sk

    i need a new job.

  • Grant Sorenson

    You'd think that for an article that totals at what, 500 words, I'd be able to make it through it without skipping parts. This is literally the most dull piece of writing I've ever encountered.

  • Shwax

    That doesn't BEG the question. It raises it. Learn the difference.

    • vveneziani

      Can't. I have to go to Blimpie.

  • capetonian

    Is that the Blimpie in Long street?

  • Alex Thayer

    how much coffee do you drink bro?

  • hghhb88
  • Allyson Sagin

    are we really still using the word retarded ?  Has Jane Lynch taught us nothing!!!

  • eferf24
  • fridac2

    Great timeline.

blog comments powered by Disqus