Thoughts On Waking Up Early

Unlike some people, I don’t have the pleasure of sleeping in until 8:30am and getting into work at 10:00am. Oddly enough, where I work is less than a 10-minute walk from where my apartment is, so you would think I would sleep in until the last possible minute, right? Not so fast.

What you have to realize is that as we creep into summer, the fucking sun starts rising earlier and earlier as the days drag on. Right now, that bitch is shining through my window at 5:35am or so and by the time I glance at the clock, it’s too late. I’m already awake. This is funny because when my bedroom window faced east, this was never a problem. Before you say “pull down the shade, dickweed,” read the next paragraph.

Another issue is that I live with my girlfriend. She gets up early and likes to make it a point to wake me up when she is up. Thus, any hope I ever had of sleeping in on the weekends, even with the shade pulled down to block out the sun, is lost.

Now here comes the curveball. I actually enjoy getting up early now. Not only do I get to watch the Channel 7 weatherman talk about his golden prostate for a whole hour (6:00am to 7:00am), I then get to watch the magic known as Good Morning America. All while drinking coffee. Did I mention the coffee is free? Now that I get up so early, I can drink it at home and if I want more, I use a travel mug. Waking up early is economical.

Good Morning America is a clusterfuck of a news show that’s on for a whopping two hours. Robin Roberts and George Stephanopoulos are a power duo that keeps the show moving along. Sam Champion is the gay weather guy who they send out on ridiculous assignments or to placate the host of tourists outside the studio in Times Square. I’ve watched so much goddamned Good Morning America (aka GMA) in the past six months that I feel like I know these people personally.

Realize that Good Morning America has two hours to fill in the morning. So after a big news story is over with (5 minutes or so), they proceed to the filler content. This consists of everything from Mario Batali cooking breakfast to YouTube videos of dogs doing silly dances. Normally, I like my content to be engaging and provocative. At 7:20am, however, I’m willing to make an exception for a report on conjoined kittens.

Around 8:00am, I usually can’t take GMA anymore because they basically repeat the same shit for an hour and sprinkle in some “surprise” about Lady Gaga. This is when I take the time to shower, get dressed, make the bed and do the dishes. Just kidding. I don’t do dishes. That’s what dishwashers are for.

By now, it’s 8:30am or so. I take 10 or 15 minutes and read a book for a bit, or I head off to work. Doing this five days a week can be challenging. The mornings are a time for mixed emotion. Sometimes, I just don’t want to get up. Other times, I enjoy being up. But waking on up the weekends at 6:10am is no fun. By 10:30am you are insanely bored and looking for stuff to do and are already asking what’s for lunch.

Mornings should be cherished. It is the best time of the day and you can get a lot done. Or, if you’re a normal human being, you can actually get some fucking sleep. TC mark


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  • Dan

    lovely picture

    • Dan

      NYC always looks so quiet and awesome in the early mornings…

  • Calvin Camus

    “The mornings are a time for mixed emotion. Sometimes, I just don’t want to get up.”

     what the fuck, this just contradicts your whole essay

  • Dan

    “That’s what dishwashers are for.” aka girlfriends.

    • Teukros

      I'm so glad someone said this before I could.

  • Alex Thayer

    good morning everyone!

  • Viktoriya Gaponski

    I don't understand how you can read book for only 10-15 minutes- unless it's for a college assignment or a chanting book.

  • Bots kent

    not a morning person, dislike you :P

  • sgerot

    I watch about 30 minutes of GMA every morning while I'm nursing.  The repetitiveness and jarring shifts from Gaza to Gaga do run me through  a strange cycle of emotions:  cynical to repulsed to apathetic.  I don't know why I do it every day.  I'm hoping it is just a phase- like nursing.

  • Regis

    I flip between NBC's Today Show and GMA.

    Regis & Kelly is another guilty pleasure…

    • SousChefGerard

      Stop trumping for your show on the interwebs, Reg.

  • Duke Holland of Gishmale

    I too am an early riser. I took Monday (today) off so it counts as a weekend. I read this at 10:30AM (extremely bored and looking for stuff to do).

  • Dan

    My girlfriend hates sleeping in too, but there's an easy solution, tell her to shut the fuck up. If you live with her and pay your part of the rent, you certainly have some say in when you wake up. The one time my girlfriend woke me up early on a Saturday, I raged so hard that she lets me sleep in til 1pm nowadays.

    • valentine_kitchenson

      You sound so charming.

  • Jordan

    Waking up early, on the rare occasion that I actually do it, always proves to be so much more benefical.  I'll never learn though…

  • Joe

    OH man. Girlfriend wakes me up every morning? DEALBREAKER.

    • mopey P

      Ehh it's Vince's fault for being too easy to wake up.

      When my boyfriend tries to wake me up early to hang out I either let out a guttural yell or swat at his face until he leaves. Or else I pretend to wake up and then go fall asleep in the shower or in the closet. He doesn't try anymore.

  • Peter

    Thank you for this. :)

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