When I Speak To The Universe About You I Smile

Unsplash / Wellington Sanipe

I know this may sound cliché, but I truly have waited for you all my life. All my life I’ve waited for the day, the hour, the minute, the second I’d cross paths with the one who would touch my heart; the only one that could. I’ve waited for the day where it’s confirmed that true love does exist and that I will no longer navigate life alone. I promised the universe that I would recognize you the second our souls meet.

I find myself daydreaming constantly of laying together, our bodies intertwined, lost in intimacy. I get excited at the thought of our lives together, our “ever after.” I talk to the universe about you because in spite of people having tried to discourage my unyielding belief in your existence, I know our truth. I talk to the universe about you because I’ve made the choice not to let the frustrations and heartbreak of my past relationships dim the light you bring to my soul, in times of darkness, when I feel the most alone.

I know that when we’re together I’ll feel alive because of the constant energy you possess and because we vibrate at the same level. You polish my spirit and carry me to the highest level of consciousness. You are the purest paradigm of divinity. I feel god in your existence. You are ever powerful.

I wonder what you look like. Perfect, probably. I wonder what you feel like. Home, undoubtedly. I’m curious what you’ll be like. Almighty, like the cosmos, most likely.

I ask that the universe protects you from harm and upset. I beg that every morning you awaken to a life of harmony. I ask that you receive all you’ve ever wanted, tenfold, and that in the occasion you are faced with a hurdle or tribulation, that it be an opportunity for you to gain a life lesson, and that you grow wiser from it.

May the people who surround you love and encourage you in the most genuine way. May they love and respect you the way that I one day will. I pray you never hurt, and if you do/have, I pray even more that your resolve comes hastily. I ask that you enjoy good health and vitality. Most of all, that your soul be unbound, free and fulfilled always, in all ways. I ask that the universe molds you into the man you’ve always wanted to be, that you reach your full potential, that people see your light, and that you bring positive impact to your community and every person you come in contact with. May you always be an angel to those in need.

Having you in my life is a testament to my growth and evolution. For if I had you at any other time prior to the right time, I wouldn’t be prepared to receive you.

I remember far back to my childhood, as an only child, always feeling a certain loneliness, a sense of isolation, even when I wasn’t technically alone. My parents never truly saw me, and they still don’t, not like you.

I like to believe that in life, everyone is trying to do the best they can; and this is true of them. My mother always meant well in her endeavors to parent me. She loved me because I was beyond special to her, I was her baby, her gift from god. Unfortunately, she had to work constantly to provide a life for the two of us as a single mother. My father never understood what it meant to be a “Dad.” I’m sure he never intended to be so aimless as a parent. I spent much of my early childhood wishing he saw me. I wished that just once he would have spent a day with me where I was his main priority. It would have been great if, as I grew up, he took interest and invested in me, to help aid my foray into adolescence. But unfortunately, he couldn’t.

He was not capable of being present. My father never imparted any wisdom to me. I never received guidance or advice. He just spent time with me, when he had to. I’d tag along with him to work or to run his errands, to spend time with his many girlfriends, even while he was still married to my mother. But we never had a true father-son bond.

Neither of them saw that I was bullied or made fun of at a young age. When I didn’t do well in school, they didn’t know any better, having come from a different country with different cultural beliefs and ideas, so of course, they did what they thought was best, they spanked and punished me. My dad would often times say hurtful things to me, call me a dummy because he thought that would somehow make me, strive to do better; to prove him wrong maybe.

My mother was also guilty of this, berating me with anti-gay sentiment and insults whenever she sensed that I was indeed that which she did not want. They both didn’t have the hindsight to understand that they were molding the mental fabric I would then carry with me as I matured, indefinitely. Though they’ve never fully understood the crippling effects of their parenting, I forgive them.

They are the origin of the hurt that I’ve carried for so long. This is why I struggle to be vulnerable, why it was difficult to believe I could be happy and feel loved, as I am. This need to be accepted, even if that meant being untrue to who I really was, living an inauthentic life all started with my parents. I made my whole life about pleasing others, being the me I had to be for their satisfaction, losing myself every single day, socially and at home. I couldn’t escape it. I routinely stifled myself, my magic.

Having you is proof that I’ve broken those self-limiting beliefs, that I’ve learned to love myself, that I’ve healed because you deserve to have me at my best, just as I have you. You deserve to be in a relationship with me as an individual who is whole. You love me in a way I’ve never experienced. You see deep into my soul. In you, I find a true partner, someone to love me as I am, despite my flaws.

I thank the universe for your childhood. I am appreciative that your life experiences have given you a wealth of knowledge which affords you a perspective and curiosity that most others simply don’t have. I assure the universe that I will love and cherish you with every fiber of my being, for you are a blessing I’ll never take for granted. I will protect your happiness as if it were my own. I will give you all of me, and after that, I’ll scrape the [metaphorical] bag and give you all that’s left, because you see me in ways one cannot explain. I promise never to allow a wall or emotional distance to build between us.

I already love you. How could anyone be so perfect to/for me, as you are? You’re everything I’ve ever wanted.

You understand the way I think. You navigate my emotions and coax my depression and anxiety when life becomes too much for me to handle on my own. You constantly challenge me. Your strength, though gentle and unimposing, is always tangible and real. It comes from deep within you. You are my greatest support system. When you kiss my forehead softly, my heart smiles. If ever I’m deep in sleep, snoring as loud as possible, I’ll hear when you whisper into my ear how much you love me, I’ll feel when your arms wrap around me and you nuzzle as close to me as possible before you fall asleep. No matter what I may deal with in life, I’ll wake up feeling complete, my soul satisfied because you in my life will always inspire me to rise to my full potential.

In your honor, I will be grateful for every single day I am blessed to have.

Maybe the thought of you is just a fantasy I create to escape the trappings of my existence, my harsh reality. If that is that case, so be it. Though I may get impatient, I’ll never question our timing. The universe is working tirelessly to bring me exactly what I want, you, at exactly the right time. I will never stop believing that you and I will be together one day.

And so from this day forward when I look at the moon, it will be because I know that you’re out there somewhere looking at the exact same moon, and I will be thankful because like the moon, you are, indeed, wonderful. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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